I'm really doing it...

So I don't think I ever really believed that I would do it.  I don't think I really thought that I had it in my to do the 12wbt at the moment.  I wanted to - and I signed up... I think I thought the wanting to was worth the two hundred bucks - just so that I could feel like I was taking steps...

And I couldn't do the first week - so many reasons - but all too hard that week...
But here I am nearing the end of week two - week one and a half for me... and I am doing it!  not only am I doing it, but I am loving it!  I feel so happy to be actually focussing on me for a change... and I also have a real sense of achievement and power over this program.  Unlike the rest of my life.  I can't control my toddler's moods, her sleep, or her impact in my life.  I love it, but I don't have any illusions that I am in control.  She is her own little person and I just work with it.  I can't control my work - I can do my best, but the loading of stuff on me that needs doing, the reluctance of some others to actually do what they need to be doing, the ever changing aid environment - so much is beyond my control and I actively practice letting go...
I can't control the birds eating my tomatoes, or the rain on washing day...
But I can control my weight loss.  I have the tools.  And I can do it.
I was out of control of my weight and my health, and now I have it back - and it feels good damn it!