21 days to change a habit

For my birthday this year my dear friend sent me a little book of habit record sheets.  Working on the popular principle that it takes 21 days to change a habit, the tear-out pages of habit record sheets provide a pre-printed (take the excuses out of it) format to record a list of 13 (don't ask me why its 13) "good habits" and then a tick-off space for each day of the week... with a space for a reward at the end of the week.
Earlier this year, a few procrastination months after my birthday, I gave it a go.  And lo... I actually found that, in some ways and in some areas, it worked.  I opted to blu-tac the sheets to my bathroom mirror, I made a list of 13 new habits I wanted to introduce to my life, and each day I checked off the ones I had done in the day.  It worked for a few different reasons.  Firstly I included things on the list that I knew were relatively quick and easy to achieve eg make my bed each day.  This meant that there was almost always at least a couple of things that I could tick, saving me from the demoralisation of complete failure.  Secondly, putting it on my bathroom mirror worked a treat because I looked at it for motivation every morning, and for reckoning every night - it was unavoidable.  The rewards section I found didn't really work so well for me - sadly, I am really quite undisciplined when it comes to rewards - and either I don't want the reward enough to work for it, or if I really do want it - I give it to myself anyway.... What did work however - was the reward of the tick itself... I found myself craving the ticks, wanting the ticks, working for the ticks... rather than currency to gain an external treat - they became reinforcement in and of themselves.  And some habits changed for good - months after the paper faded, some of my new behaviours remain changed...
And then... technology stepped in.
I got my iphone.  I love my iphone... it has enhanced my life in many ways... I can stay on top of work emails from my couch, I can keep up with my friends on facebook while feeding the baby, I can search for recipes while in the supermarket... I love my iphone.  My iphone did however undermine my 21 days routine.  I found an App you see... that did the job of my bits of paper on the bathroom mirror... and did it with a month in review function, with colours and lights... buuuuut....
no longer was my list of habits in front of me morning and evening... I had to go and open the App... and so... slowly, inexorably... it faded from my life.
So - today I resurrect one of the "simple is best" things in my life... and bring back the habits score sheets.  I now need to put them a lot higher up on my mirror or the child will eat them while cleaning her teeth... but I am excited about bringing back this old friend.

she's on the move!

So my angel is up and walking... definitely, incontrovertibly, inarguably, undeniably a baby no more... its so terribly butterscotch caramel hot chocolate sweet!  After months of taking the odd unstable steps I think I had been lulled into a false sense of security that nothing would ever change and that I would still be calling out "good walking baby, you can do it!" at her high school graduation ceremony.  But no, in that inexorable way of babies, she has grown up.  Yesterday I arrived to pick her up from "school" and she saw me from the other end of the balcony and she was off... thankfully towards me (as opposed to today when I had to contend with the demoralising tantrums of her wanting to go and keep playing instead of coming home with me...)  She is no graceful ballerina yet, I will admit, she sort of rolls, lolls, from side to side like a boat in swell... "tottling" seems a very apt description I think.  She tottles... but now instead of needing to be semi-forced into it, she is loving it, and is off and on the go.  I know, I know... I already wonder why I was in a hurry to see her walk... I must admit that when I was trying to get dressed today and she managed to open the cupboard, take a out a wine glass and smash it dramatically upon the ground at her feet I did think wistfully of the slug-like floor bound days when I could put her down and know I could come back later and she would still, like yesterday's dirty socks, be exactly where she was left.
Every moment is so precious, every day brings such change, and each moment, once passed, can never be experienced again.  I am drinking them in as deeply as I can... these precious grains of gorgeousness, slipping constantly through my fingers.... but sparkling all the way.

Its Time Out Time

So my little angel is growing up, so fast that my head spins thinking about it... and I have always sworn to be a responsible parent, a parent who cares about the long term well-being of her child... a parent who knows that sometimes short term toughness is necessary for longer term happiness... a parent who considers the needs of others and knows that a well behaved socially adept child is more likely to be successful and popular.  I therefore am a big fan of consistent boundaries.  Thus far I have not been overly firm with the little angel, I figured that a lot of the time she really was too little to understand that she was doing wrong, or how to behave appropriately in particular circumstances...
Now however, I observe her little mind ticking over, I see her little eyes calculating different people's reactions, I see her testing behaviours as she thinks "what will mummy do if I do this?" and I know that it is time.  The time has come for consequences.  Waahaahaaa.... :-)  We started with some little behavioural learning tasks to see how she went, and yes, she has proven that she can learn with praise and reward.  She now knows that she needs to pack away her bath toys before she gets wrapped up tight in mummy's warm towelled arms... She now knows how to pick up the tupperware and put it back in the drawer and close the drawer when asked... She knows that if mummy leaves the pantry door open then she should shut the door, not pull all the jars out. 
All this is wonderful and we are making great progress with adding new appropriate behaviours.  We are not doing so well, however, on eliminating the undesirable ones.  In particular, the one that really urks me is the gleeful and determined shot-put throwing of mummy's carefully prepared delicious morsels of sustenance onto the floor.... day after day, night after night... rejected treats thump ingloriously onto the floor boards.  Every meal those quick little fingers fling her food forth...
So... It is time for (dum dum dum duuuuum)  THE THINKING CORNER!
So it has begun.  She gets one warning... which she laughs in the face of like an impassioned toreador... And then, with the next splat of fruit or crumple of cracker... its OFF TO THE THINKING CORNER!
I am not entirely sure that she gets it.  I fairly sure that she is not getting that the thinking corner is not supposed to be fun.  At the moment she finds it highly amusing...  mummy makes a funny face with her eyebrows all pulled down, and her voice goes all deeep and serious like Pa-Pa... and then wooosh she is flying through the air and plopped on her bott in the corner of the hallway.  Mummy then turns her back, arms crossed, and the angel commences chuckling.... she grins and giggles, and teases mummy by starting to crawl away then stopping... and waiting for mummy to sit her back on her bum... and this game goes on until mummy sternly says ok... takes her hand and walks her back to the offending food, demands that she picks it up and hands it to mummy... and then she goes back to eating.  Or refusing to eat...as is usually the case.  Yes its all a great fun game!   We even found a special thinking corner when we went out for lunch yesterday... Cafe's have thinking corners too!

I am persevering, choosing to remain focussed on the belief that sooner or later she will tire of the time out ritual, and then it will get less fun, and then it might actually start working!
(Disclaimer : Picture is NOT MY CHILD...its from Flickr, really!)