A moment in time...

So I am slowly unpacking my house... some things I discover cause brow wrinkles of vague bewilderment ... "why did I keep that??" and others bring spontaneous wide happy smiles...like bumping into very dear old friends on the street...
My parents wedding photos fall into the later category of course... Aren't they gorgeous!!
:-)
Such gorgeous innocence and beauty beams out of the early hippy photos... Is the world capable of knowing such things again?

A new story unfolds....

So a new story begins ...
Once upon a time there was a girl... she was an adventurous girl. She loved exploring, and learning and growing....
Sometimes her wanderlust led her down paths that were rough and bumpy. Sometimes the bumps knocked her into really wonderful places of blossoming lushness of self expansion, and sometimes she fell in potholes that felt dark and mirky for a time...
Over all however, the girl was happy to wander, to learn, to grow and to participate richly in life... The girl knew that happiness was within her grasp, a natural state of her own mind in the times when she was able to clear out the muck of daily life and distracted thinking. She also rejoiced in being useful, in being caring and in changing the world in her own little jigsaw puzzle piece...
So the girl explored and traveled and learned lots and gave openly of herself, and knocked her toes on the rocks on the path sometimes, but skipped along pretty happily most of the time... Then one day it felt like just the right time to come home. She was nervous but knew in her heart that she was stepping in the right direction, not knowing where this path was winding, not really knowing where home was, but confidently putting her foot forward to see what came...
And as the girl walked this path she noticed that the world around her was changing... the bumps in the path were softening and slipping down like silk... the rough rocky bits that used to bruise her soles were transforming into soft new grass under her toes... and as she looked around she saw the things she most wanted in life bursting forth like mushrooms from the lush soil... and she rejoiced....
...for she saw before her the chance to have a child dance down her path with her, and she saw opening in her pathway the opportunity to be ever more useful in wonderful new career adventures, and she saw by her way a gorgeous little home just waiting for her, and gathered around her home were sparkly new faces full of friendly optimism and opportunity as well as warm familiar faces of family and friends...and then she noticed in the crowd four blue eyes twinkling at her from above two happy smiles....
Surrounded by such a wealth of jewels of happiness, the girl paused.... was she not happy enough just as things were? would she also think of taking a risk on another bubble of joy? The girl looked around at all the beauty and knew in her heart that for once in her life that she was in just the right place at just the right time... so she took a deep breath and held out her hand, and two happy faces with twinkly blue eyes held out their hands too.... and together side by side they watched the new sun rise, vibrant and rich and full of colour. And the girl smiled.... and she knew she was home.

Faces of Warhol :-)

So I went with my friend Sally to see the Andy Warhol Exhibition at the new Gallery of Modern Art today...
It was quite incredible to see such familiar images... images that I know from magazines, t-shirts, posters etc.... and to realise that I was looking at the originals - the very canvases that Mr W created them on... and looking at his films, at the images of famous and ordinary people... looking into the camera, kissing... did those people know that 30 years later I would be looking into their eyes on the screen, scrutinising them, making my own interpretations about their thoughts and feelings....laughing at the way they slobber when they kiss...
I love art :-)

happy moments...

Me and my new little best friend ... :-) Do I look the part ?

I got the job :-)

As of today... I am officially now employed by the

Australian Red Cross

in the Queensland
International Programs Team,

as a
Case Manager for Refugees, Asylum Seekers and Immigration Detainees.

YAY !!
Happy me!

As I said in the interview... If I didn't need it to do the job I would chew off my right arm for a chance to work with the Red Cross on the International Programs Team...

YAY....
It means cutting short my India-Nepal trip but I am happy to accommodate... and I am loving being here so much at the moment that in some ways I am pleased to be spending more time in my little home, with my lovely new friends, and my gorgeous stella, and my lush garden, and of course ...my new job!

There are some times in life when everything seems to just fall into place, obstacles melt away, bubbles of excitement burst through the days, and the air is full of the sense of being in just the right place and just the right time and in just the right way....

...this is one of those times :-)

We are swimming!

And in the latest breaking news...
Our first little swimmers are on ice :-) This week my lovely wonderful brave incredible generous donor and I made our first deposit to the sperm bank... and our first concrete step on the road to motherhood.
The excitement is like meeting someone you think you might kind-of like...you know... its like a little buzz in the tummy... a smile in reflective moments... a hopeful happiness about what the future holds... a cheerful optimistic tint to the light of the day...a gentle tickly feeling of anticipation...a tantalising whiff of the potential joy that might lie ahead...
The experience on the day was of course totally bizarre, exhilerating and excruciating at the same time. I have a deep respect for my lovely donor who managed to hold it together in the face of little sleep and high performance anxiety... to cope with blunt no-holds barred announcements by the first receptionist we met on arrival ("oh hello darling...you are the donor right?...have you got your semen with you or will you be producing it here??) and a perhaps new (?) lab receptionist who turned beetroot everytime she had to speak to him...
He was slightly disappointed that the all white "production room" had not a magazine or inspirational decoration in sight... but still managed to come through with the goods and earn a brighter hero status in my eyes than ever... :-)
And we then bit our collective nails til the analysis results the next day...
and YAY... we have happy swimmers :-)
Healthy, mobile, populous and willing... our little friends are primed and ready.

So... he is currently in the wilds of the Himalayas... and I am very much hoping that our boys are being kept warm and softly cushioned :-) Was chatting with my friend Kim about the idea of a new range of donor wear - to hang alongside maternity wear in the most fashionable of boutiques... little fur lined codpieces... quilted boxers... gold trimmed treasure boxes :-) He He... humorous visualisation value makes up for total lack of commercial viability :-)

So now I have drafted up the contractual agreement and emailed it to him... dotting of i's and crossing of t's along with the fingers...

And now I wait... 2.5 months and ticking.... ah well, that ticking tocking biological clock is a familiar sound... I can hold my breath a little longer...

:-)

Do you think I might be nesting??

Hmmm
I think I may be nesting...
I have insatiable urges to plant herbs and vegetables. I planted mint on the first day I moved in...
I am in the middle of painting my house - first my room but I bought enough paint to continue and do the whole house....
Me and my dad are in the middle of talking to builders and arranging a total renovation of the kitchen and bathroom of the house....
And today I baked a cake....
(I can't remember the last time I baked a cake)

:-)
Its kind of fun!

baby blog update....

So... where am I up to?

All is going well... smoothly... no dramas....

Um - we are officially waiting until the end of March to start trying the actual conception bisso... sadly my ovulation cycle just does not match the dates of both of our international travel bookings any sooner...
But... I have indeed ovulated this week...
yippee :-)
Balloons and flowers unnecessary, please...
My basal body temperature charts have behaved admirably and it seems that this old birds eggs are still popping... according to www.fertilityfriend.com anyway - is there anything you can't do on the internet these days?? And...(drum roll) It seems I was almost right on time this cycle - yay... those of you who know me may scoff that its one of the few occasions I am on time for anything... but pah! to you :-)
I was a bit concerned about continuing to take my temperature each morning while travelling... but then I read that I can take it orally :-0 so that should help somewhat.... a wee bit more discrete ;-).

I am drafting my version of the on-line contracts... not much to change - they are pretty self explanatory... and I'm scared to change many words in case the entire legal meaning morphs into something green and lumpy that oozes slime - like something out of Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (am I showing my age?)

And in a lovely moment today I was contacted by a friend of a friend who is going through a similar process... I hope that this is the start of the development of a network of hand-holding women... a la tribal, mud hut, women's business kind of coming together in support... there can be the elders - those who have walked the path for longer...some with kids and some with lots of experience of different methods of trying... some newbies still thinking about the idea... and the rest of us somewhere in between....
All joiners most welcome.... comment below or email me directly and I will start a bit of a group or something technological like that :-)
Oh - boys are welcome in this tree house too :-)

And so - that's the news, I'm Can Motherem....

Smiles to you all!

"Hands up for Health" by Sean Hawkey on flikr

It just ain't entertainment, sonny....

So I went to see a movie today - I had planned to see Darjeeling Express, to put me in the mood for India... but I was warned off by the woman on the ticket booth. When I politely asked for the tickets she just shook her head... which led to an understandable moment of confusion for me... huh? No? I am not allowed? Did I jump the queue or something? "Love", she said, "love... i saw it and it was just not worth it... there were only a few people in the cinema and most of them walked out... I should have too - I just didn't get it... " Since when do the people in the ticket booth tell you not to buy a ticket...??
So we went to see No Country for Old Men instead....
Now let me share my thoughts with you... I am so sick of movies about the bleakness of life. Sure it was really well made, sure it was really well acted.... but why are the "good" films so bloody depressing these days ?? I know life is shit... do I need to pay $15 to see it over and over when I can see if for free on the news each night?? It seems these days we must choose between trashy feel-good flicks or terribly well made feel-rotten movies....
Why are the good directors/writers/actors/producers so sodding bleak? I mean, is "dark" the new black? Is terribly realistic portrayal of the pointless banality of life and the depravity of human nature the new vogue "in" thing?? I suppose so... I do have a tendency to be out of step with trendiness...and it does kind of go hand-in-hand with starving waifs in multi-zillion dollar grunge.
So I exclaim... "Oh what's wrong with a bit of uplifting??" (or is that only for the actors' breasts and bums these days...) I like to come out of a film feeling like my mental state has been enhanced somehow by the experience...either because its taught me something useful, or its shown me a new way to see things that is more positive, or hell, it was just good fun...
So I complain... why oh why does the quality of a film seem to be defined by how realistically they kill people... ?? I know there has always been killing in movies...Bond movies etc... but the death seemed to supplement the plot rather than be the point of it. It seemed to start with pulp fiction maybe... kill bill.... fargo.... now this one - its like a genre of killing porn. I can just hear the directors in a bar..."so, frank, how many bodies you wrack up in this latest one?" or "hey, harry, you gotta show me how you got the blood to spirt out of the taxi-driver's neck like that...that was hard core"... Its not that I object to killing per se, well I mean I do in life as a rule, but I object to it being the point of the thing.... The Constant Gardener for example, had killing as an ever present element, but the point was so much greater than that, and the film motivating and inspiring... She may have been killed but she died for a cause, for a noble passion...not just for entertainment value.
I listen to the news and it seems like humanity is killing each other faster and faster and more viciously than ever these days... war and bloodshed seem to be erupting all over the place... terrorism, civil war, genocide...children sheltering in a church are burned to death.... And then I go to a movie.... and its more killing and depiction of the utter and unstoppably dastardly nature of people... And it adds nothing of value to my life.... and it just ain't what I call entertainment.
So I came home and watched Four Weddings and a Funeral on telly... that cheered me up a bit :-)









Getting washed by the blood! photo by A.J .. !! on flikr
Happy Face!! by Amarilla on flikr