Parts of shrinking me

So I vacillate between thrilled, scared and quietly determined.  I have now lost 6kg in 5.5 weeks.  I have never done anything like this before.  Previously I had set myself the goal of 1kg per month, and failed at that.  Now I am steadily cracking 1kg per week.
My shrinking self is subdivided into lots of paradoxically diverse parts.  Part of me doesn't believe its really true (I was starting to believe I would just be chubby forever).
Part of me is so f-ing loudly proud of myself.
Part of me is quietly self satisfied.
Part of me is utterly focused and determined to move mountains (literally).
Part of me is slightly terrified at the reality of actually achieving this previously unfathomable goal (12kg in 12 weeks).  What will it mean for me if I actually do this?  Will I mean I need to stop limiting myself?  That I need to start living up to the knowledge that I can actually do things when I set my mind to them?  (many of my dear friends would say that they had known this all along and point to my list of achievements, but I tend to focus more on the things I haven't done and form my self-image around them... then again, my to do list has well over 100 things on it so I accept that I may not have realism as one of my strengths... then again I do believe in setting the bar high and surprising yourself... I mean, look at me now... and thus ends a ridiculously long set of bracketed ramblings).
Part of me is tempted to self sabotage (to get back to what I was actually saying)
Part of me is confident that this time I am really changing, both mentally and physically, and I want to hold on to it so hard that my knuckles turn white.
Part of me is well, slightly numb.
Another part is kind of hungry, but it is lunchtime.

Poltergeist snapshots

I love this post from Suburban Snapshots... I couldn't have said it better myself!

 

Why Having a Toddler is Like Living in Poltergeist

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

If Poltergeist isn't one of your all-time family classics, well, your family is probably a little more balanced than mine. But really, who doesn't enjoy possessed trees, evil clowns, and angry, decomposing Native Americans? That's got quality time written all over it.

10. Items reappear out of place mere seconds after you've put them away.
9. In the dark, you sense an unwelcome presence in your room.
8. You frequently resist the urge to run screaming from your own home.
7. You're never really alone.
6. You can't escape the voices calling your name.
5. You could have sworn you just turned that light off.
4. The TV has more power over your child than you do.
3. You're often terrified by what you find under the bed.
2. A very small person keeps telling you what to do, and strangely, you keep listening.
1. You know that the only way you'll get any peace is a hotel room clear across town.

Posted by Brenna at 9:10 PM  

Where does she learn it??

Now I know that I cannot be with my child 24 hours a day... I cannot know everything she experiences... and I will never know or see every part of her rapidly expanding multifaceted personality.   I get that this is a huge growth stage, as she prepares to turn two in less than two weeks... (oh my heavens) but still, logic aside, I am constantly, pleasantly, amusingly surprised by her moments of spontaneous individuality!  Its quite an adjustment to get used to the idea that I am no longer the fountain of all her learning... the three days a week she spends in day care are obviously having quite an impact!

Tonight she was watching her evening wind down TV shows... ABC kids... and it was night-time in which ever saccharin sweet story was playing... she suddenly and very loudly announced "Its dark but I'm not scared!  I'm not scared! I'm not scared!..." (repeat). Where did that come from??

Powering along

So I am really pleased to announce that I am finally back in the sexy sixties... This is the first time since I had my angel that I have weighed in under 70kg... and I am really feeling the difference.  I also notice, oddly and strangely, that I actually feel much better after exercising!  Well there you go... I have known those words to be truth in an abstract sense - kind of like knowing that I have rhino-like creatures living in my eyelashes... but I have not really experienced it in a believable way.
The other thing that surprises me immensely is that this is the first diet that I have done during which I actually feel like I am changing my way of life, not just "doing time".  I have done lots of diets before, lots, and each time it has felt like I am just hanging in there for it to end so I can get back to "normal" eating.  And I have not seen results....
But this time I can't imagine going back to the way I was eating.  I feel so much better having had a salad for lunch rather than something oily, fatty or loaded with carbs.  I am really loving learning new ways of eating, and I think perhaps I am a convert!  I also think I will finish this with a healthy terror of going back where I was... and I plan to THROW OUT (yes, you heard me... overcome my hoarding instincts and consign to charity) my 70kg plus clothes.
5 kilos down and 7 to go.... I am almost half way to my 12 week goal.
Go me :-)

going strong....

So its now the start of week four of my 12 week body transformation challenge.  And I have lost 4kg!  If I do say so myself... I rock!   This is the first time that I have actually stuck to something, with consistency and without my usual oh-so-familiar voice of rebellion.  I am also seeing results!  this can be a double edged sword, in my past experiences, and that sword can slice one of two ways - I can either feel inspired to go on.... or I can decide I deserve a reward for good effort - and fall off the wagon completely.
This time I am pleased, again, to report that I have overcome these irrational urges and celebrated my progress... and gotten up and kept on going... go me!

Mmmm healthy!

So it's interesting how quickly habits can change... This morning was one of the rare mornings that the angel slept in... Tho before any mums get jealousy pangs let me clarify that the 7.30 'sleep in' was after a 4.30am enthusiastic (read 'loud') attempt to convince me that angels are supposed to get up when the birds do... My plan had been to rise at 6... Eat a nutritious low fat breakfast, make a nutritious low fat lunch, drop the angel to day care, hit the gym and then go to work. Buuut... This morning provided me with a perfect excuse to scrap the whole ambitious plan by presenting my bleary eyes with the brightness of 7.30 when my 'mummy mummy mummy' alarm went off.
Did I scrap it? Did I make the easier path more trodden? Nope... I got my shrinking butt in gear and ate my egg whites, prepared yummy healthy wrap fillings, did a hard hot workout at the gym and arrived at work puffed, flushed, but proud (if half an hour later than planned...).