bridge street brasserie

Twas a gastronomic delight...

In appreciation of my parents tireless help and support... bridge street brasserie last night launched its degustation menu. Many thanks to Guest Chef Great Kate for invaluable collaborative assistance...

Aperitif
Fresh Strawberry Daiquiris

Meal
Buckwheat Blini
with Smoked Salmon, Sour Creme and Garden Grown Dill
with Matured Goats Chevre and Spiced Fig Paste

Iron Bark Smoked Kalamata Olives
Feta and Blue Vein Stuffed Giant Green Olives

Fresh Coffin Bay Oysters with Lime Infused Vodka








Duck, Cranberry and Bush Lime Pate with Spelt Walnut Sourdough Toasts





Sauteed Baby Asparagus Spears with Shaved Parmesan and Cracked Pepper




Grilled Peppers and Oven Roasted Roma Tomato Soup with Thyme Labna





Pink Grapefruit, Pistachio and Japanese Mustard Greens Salad






Garlic King Prawns on Pepper Fettucini


Dessert
Tasting Platter of
Fresh Baclava
Hand Made Rose Water Turkish Delight
Dark Chocolate and Pistachio Rocky Road
Fresh Strawberries


A truely memorable meal...

And tonight... another exciting gastronomic moment... my first experience of seiving vegetables for baby food!

Oh so gorgeous... and so grown up!
My little angel learned to fly this weekend in her new very favourite toy... the jolly jumper has leapt into our home with great squeals of joy.... finally I am free!!

and earlier in the day...

Ever the style queen, my angel takes a casual saturday wander in the farmer's markets... assisted by her loyal servants...and disappointed that the "mothers milk cheese stand" idea has not yet taken off...

yummy mummy!

So I it seems that I am indeed a yummy mummy :-) I have it from the very best authority!

words

words
words can mean so much and yet so little at the same time...
we speak, we trade words...
and in that moment the meaning of our words seems to create a reality - a reality conjured into existence by the act of speech, the act of collecting words together in just the right way to convey a meaning...
yet really...they are just words
and the meaning is not permanent, not static...
and sometimes the intended meaning dies away as fast as the sound of the word falling on ears and fading...
sometimes the meaning changes and mutates over time, leaving the words behind...

some words make promises which were meant when made
some words make promises which cannot be unmade
some words fail to make promises which could have been made

words are given the power to hurt, to heal,
to break, to seal, to cut, to deal , to hope, to feel...
they are the tools of love, the building blocks of friendship, the weapons of destruction, and the vessels of pain...
and yet, at the end of the day, they are just words...
nothing less nothing more...
just words

I love this line... thanks to dreamcatcher

“ You see the colors in me
like no one else…

of babies and bears...

Once upon a sunny day...
one little girl went out to play!
She went to a place where the animals roamed free...
and laughed at a koala sitting on a tree (that cannot be comfortable!)

Once rescued from the goo-goo ga ga japanese tourists...
and having dodged bendy kneed ostriches,
it was time for cake!
And a merry merry time was had by all,
expecially our little friend, the birthday girl!

Oh so much fun was had by all! I think a nap might beeee zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

melting smiles....

So she may have had me up every two hours last night
So she may have also decided this morning that sleep is over-rated, depriving me of the nap I was so looking forward to...
But with smiles like these... how can I complain?

Every day at the moment brings new little magical milestones...
Yesterday she managed to put her dummy in her mouth by herself! I don't know if I was more surprised than her!

Yesterday she also taught herself to moonwalk :-) She stands up so strongly, with only a helping hand for balance...and her grandpa has decided she will of course be advanced, and is trying to teach her to put one foot in front of the other and walk holding his hand... imagine my surprise when I held her hand yesterday while she repeatedly moon-walked backwards across the change table!

heart stream

laying in the shallows
i breath gently and feel held
i breath gently and feel the tickle of the flow around me
softly flowing over me, under me, around me, past me
floating in the stream
i notice
i feel
i breath
pores alive with gentle sensations
i am a part of it and yet not
as in each moment it passes
and is renewed around me
i let myself be held in the shallows
tickled by the passing flow
knowing it is constantly changing
and yet it stays the same
in simplicity I lay in the stream
not obstructing
not splashing
not moving
just being
in the shallows

mother love #2

So I have a new friend...her child is unwell. When we met she told me a simple story of a child who spent long weeks in hospital, with her by his side. Since then, each time we talk, I hear more about the incredible struggles and hurdles she has overcome to nurse her child into the best health he can have. Each time she tells me a little more about the trials they have endured, the challenges they have faced... humbly, honestly, matter-of-factly...each time she tells me a little more about how strong she has been. I sometimes feel like this single mum business is a tad tricky... but then I think about what my new friend tells me... and I exhale any self-concern...I shake off any self sympathy.... my new friend says that mothers are incredible people, that you do what you need to do... and I know that some mothers deserve a pedestal, an award, a red carpet event.... and so much more... my new friend is one of those mothers. She is an inspiration.

mother love

when she was new... I was thrilled by the idea of her
when she was less new...I was overwhelmed by being the mother of her
when she grew bigger...I was tired from the work of her
when she grew older...I was filled with the love of her

It is love that lives in your bones
It is love that fills your skin
It is love that is the air you breath
It is love you wake with, dream with
It is love that is without thought...
It is love.

How time flies :-)

How quickly my little angel has transformed from a helpless tiny fragile bundle into an energetic, strong, active little girl, full of personality and laughter....
It seemed to happen in the blink of an eye...
Time has never before seemed such a powerful force. Previously in my life time has been marked by beginnings and endings, signposts moving past. Sometimes the life that passed between signposts seemed hazy, sometimes there were clear processes, challenges faced, obstacles overcome...but never before has time had such a preciousness and yet passed so wantonly!
Already my baby is teething
Already my baby is standing, sitting, dancing
Already my baby is communicating loudly, recognising things she wants and letting me know, understanding what she does not want and certainly letting me know about them!
Already I am going back to work in a mere 6 weeks
Already she starts day-care in a mere 4 weeks
Already she knows her name
Already she is growing up.

I will never experience these days again... and my breath stops in awe of their preciousness.

my stars this week...woot woo!

Are you going to be ready when that train comes by? Good. Because it is coming and all it will do is slow down long enough for you to catch it. You will need to get a running start and have all your gear in hand, all that is required for this trip. No more and no less. Mars, the planet of action is making a grand slam angle to Jupiter and Neptune in your sign Aquarius. This sort of energy when utilized wisely can make or break you. It is all systems go. Any sort of resistance will only cause chafing and delays in your Soul's intended journey. Just reach the platform and the universal train will pick up the slack.

This week is primed for your big break.

sunrise

So a girl looks out upon the world... the same world she has looked out upon on many a day... and sometimes she sees clearly her familiar world with its shadows and its dappled light, with its colours and its shade, with its flowers and its rocks... and sometimes she sees little of her world around her, she sees only through the screen of her eyes, seeing instead the world of swirling thoughts and technicolour ideas that live behind her eyes...
and then one day... a girl looks out upon the world, the same world she has looked out upon on many a day... and today she sees a perfect sunrise. Today she realises that her world is her familiar world, but it is not the same. Today she realises that although it is her world, it is made new by the dawn of a perfect sunrise... and a sky rich with colour and possibility.
A girl looks out upon a sunrise and she smiles...

“ What’s in store for me in the direction I don’t take?
Jack Kerouac

Heellooo Jeans!

So I have a goal... I want to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight and then lose another 5 kg. And then stay there... Its not easy to focus on this goal between the competing demands at the moment - but its important to me. I want to feel good, and I definitely want to avoid getting diabetes again. I have started making progress and am now over half way to my pre-pregnancy weight - yay!
And today a little milestone was reached... I tried on my favourite blue jeans and they fit! Little by little my "old me" wardrobe is reappearing :-) And at the same time... little by little, the old me feels like she is coming back too - as I emerge blinking from the cloudy blur of pregnancy and new mummyhood. It feels good.

go after her

So I find myself frequently quoting from le love blog... a collection of images and writing about love sent in by people who read the blog... and I love this one. You will have to click on it and open it as a file to read it...
I think about myself at the moment - in this stage of my life - and I wonder what happened to the girl who used to live life in this spirit. I guess I used to choose to dance... I guess somewhere along the way I got my heart broken a few times. I guess sometime along the way I decided to grow up and be sensible... I guess at some point I gave up on throwing caution to the wind and being wild, devil may care, impetuous... I guess at some point I forgot about dancing.

trusting myself

So I was talking with a friend tonight... at some length... and a pertinent point shone out from our conversation. She was talking about the need to trust ourselves to look after ourselves, in any situation we may encounter....

And so I make this pact to myself :

In any given moment I will trust myself to ask myself "does this feel right for me, right now?", and I will trust myself to honour the answer, what ever it is.

learning to dance #2

To dance is to be out of yourself. Larger, more beautiful, more powerful. This is power, it is glory on earth and it is yours for the taking.

Agnes De Mille

Dancing with the feet is one thing, but dancing with the heart is another.

Author Unknown

What does it mean to dance with your heart?

Over the last few years I have had experiences which have been rewarding, up-lifting, affirming and empowering. I have discovered new strengths within myself, I have ventured far outside my comfort zones and I have discovered new worlds. I have succeeded and I have been proud of myself. I have grown up, grown stronger and grown wiser.

At the same time, over the last few years, I have had experiences which have challenged me, which have brought self doubt into my heart, which have made me feel like I am not good enough, not successful enough, not pretty enough, not clever enough, not capable enough, not fun enough, just not enough.

In leaving behind these times and looking forward I realise that its a very long time since I have danced in my heart. To dance in your heart is, I think, to feel beautiful, to feel proud of who you are, to feel full of celebration for the moment you are living, to feel loved, to feel richly alive and full of positive confidence for the next step. To dance in your heart is to know that your life is worth dancing about...

Tonight I heard a song which went something like this :

I hope you dance

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder

you get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger

may you never take one single breath for granted

god forbid love ever leave you empty handed

may you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean

when ever one door closes I hope one door opens

promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

dance....

I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance

never settle for the path of least resistance

life might mean taking chances but they're worth taking

loving might be a mistake but its worth making

don't let some helping heart leave you bitter

when you come close to selling out reconsider

give the heavens above more than just a passing glance

and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance

I hope I dance again one day soon.

learning to dance

Listening to ye ol Bette while cooking lamb roast... I heard these words and they struck a cord in my heart...

Its the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
Its the dream afraid of waking
that never takes a chance
Its the one who won't be taken
who never learns to give
Its the soul afraid of dying
that never learns to live

I have stood on cliffs before... I have looked out at the sunrise of possibility over a deep dark unknown waters... I have taken a deep breath and jumped off the cliffs... I have also, at other times, turned my back on the majesty of it all and walked back to the safe and the known...

I have danced for strangers and I have been a wallflower. I have chosen to wake at dawn, and I have slept til afternoon. I have gambled and I have saved. I have taken and I have given.

Sometimes life is terribly simple and yet utterly complicated at the same time.

a socky moment (7/8)

my angel has grown... her little feet now fit into newborn socks!

one year and three days

So one year and three days ago a magical event happened...
I sit here and look at the sleeping baby in my arms and it is incredible to think that one year and three days ago cells were joined, and cells divided, and this utterly beautiful gorgeous little angel started forming.
One year and three days ago my life changed forever, my identity, my lifestyle, my priorities, my sense of myself in the world...
One year and three days ago I began learning to love in a whole new way...

One year and three days ago I danced at an African festival. I was happy because the woman I loved had opened her heart and come back to me. I was happy because I was surrounded by loving friends. I was happy because I made a yummy risotto for my parents, my donor, my lover and her daughter... my big strangely shaped family around my dinner table. I was happy because I was full of hope for the future. And the happiness found its way inside me, and called out to a perfect little girl..."Come"..the happiness said "here is a wonderful place, a warm place, a place of laughter and joy...come to this life, this home, this woman... come and share the happiness and make it manifold"
And so my Indigo Rose found life.... one year and three days ago.

Our first parties!

So we went to our first birthday parties... first a Dora party to celebrate Isabella turning 3...and then a pizza party for Maddie turning 4.
I am not sure what Indi made of the adventure...but for me it was a beautiful moment of realising that fantasy had become reality. So many times in the past in my life I have looked in from the outside on kids' birthday parties...I have attended some, and seen many from a distance... and always I hoped and wished that one day I would take my child along, or better yet, have a party for my very own child.
And today that dream started to come true.

first love...

Last night I had an email from my first love... a German boy I met on a beach in Thialand and knew for a week when I was 17. We were in love for many months by mail...and are still in contact, 20 years later. His letters have found me in remote Asian countries and have told me just what I needed to hear. His calls have come at the times when I most needed to be reminded that I was once loved. He seems to come into my life at significant times... times that are crossroads for me. The last time I heard from him was just before I moved to Fiji... I wonder what it means this time...

butterfly baby (2/8)

Weehee! Look at me!

trust in truth

So recently I accused my friend of hurting me, when actually I had hurt myself, my friend was merely an unwilling participant in the process...In response to my hurt, my friend became hurt. And eggshells were broken in attempts to avoid more hurt. And it reminds me again that at the end of the day, it is honesty and trust that matters - even when it hurts. Through honesty comes growth. Surviving pain can bring depth and strength to individuals and to friendships.

So recently I wrote this to my friend. And I wrote it to myself...

"I have learned the hard way that when we act, in life, it is impossible to avoid hurting others, and ourselves, at times. Yet the alternative, paralysing non-action, is unthinkable and unworkable. No matter how hard we try not to hurt anyone, to avoid any pain, we crush ants under our feet with each step and when we are honest with the world there will be times when our words and actions poke others in their soft tender parts. This does not mean, as tracy said, that we should ever stop being honest (when it is not intentionally malicious of course).
Every action has a consequence, sometimes many, and what matters most is how we deal with those consequences - we cannot spend life avoiding risks, we can only strengthen our capacity to survive them, and to learn from them. Often it is through pain that the greatest learning and growth comes.

The fear of pain can be much more debilitating than pain itself. Pain passes eventually, fear lasts a lifetime.

So I say live in truth, trust others to be able to handle your truth, and know that you and others have the strength within to survive and even flourish."

Q & A

So my friend posted these questions on her blog with an invitation to respond... and I did... and I liked doing it... A little moment to better understand myself...and in my usual fashion of sharing...another little piece of me to blog about. I know its the pop-psychology of today...but sometimes doing these things can actually bring about some useful insight. What would your answers be today?
(feel free to add them in the comments...)

1. I've come to realise that my job...
will never fully satisfy me because I want more from it than I am willing to give to it...

2. I've come to realise that when I'm driving...
I am in a blissful state of motion, in my own world, moving between where I have been and where I will be in the future, usually singing badly...

3. I've come to realise that I need...
to feel loved and to know that I am not alone

4. I've come to realise that I have lost...
some of my capacity to have fun as I have "grown up"... and I want it back!

5. I've come to realise that I hate it when...
anyone is angry at me

6. I've come to realise the person I like...
may not be perfect but may be perfect for me

7. I've come to realise that money...
is actually something I should probably pay more attention to because, when well looked after, it does bring a certain freedom that can be wonderful...

8. I've come to realise that some people...
will never see the world the way that I do and I need to stop trying to convince them to!

9. I've come to realise that I'll always be...
trying to do more than I can, but achieving more than I thought I could

11. I've come to realise that my cell phone is...
my umbilical cord to the people I care about...and therefore like a precious jewel to me!

12. I've come to realise that when I woke up this morning...
I was quietly happy, and it felt good.

13. I've come to realise that last night before I went to sleep...
I was grumpy from deep fatigue and probably too much red wine (clearly one glass is now too much)

14. I've come to realise that right now I am thinking about...
my friend

15. I've come to realise that my dad...
provides me with the chance to practice patience...and this is good for me...and when I can be patient with the bits I find annoying the reward is a wonderful person in my life - a great life lesson.

16. I've come to realise that when I get on Myspace...
it will be the first time...

17. I've come to realise that today...
may have been a perfect example of my life as a single mum...

18. I've come to realise that tonight...
is pretty great as it is, and would be greater still with a warm lover sleeping in my bed...

19. I've come to realise that tomorrow will be..
another new challenge, and will be as good as I make it be...

20. I've come to realise that I really want to...
feel useful in the world

21. I've come to realise that life...
flies past way too fast and every moment should be grabbed hold of with both hands and made the most of...

22. I've come to realise that this weekend...
I will never get through my To Do list...but it may well be perfect anyway

23. I've realised the best music to listen to when I am upset...
is loud

24. I've come to realise that my friends...
are the constellations I navigate my life by, and the air I breath in my day...

25.I've come to realise that this past year...
has been mind blowingly huge... and yet... so wonderfully simple

26. I've come to realise that the last person I kissed...
was another example of my propensity to love unwisely

27. I've come to realise that when people walk out of my life...
it is like my chest is ripped open and I will fight it to the death...and this is something I need to change.

28. I've come to realise that my vices...
make me more fun

chubba bubba (August 1)

So we had some feeding issues... I didn't think I had enough milk for her... people reassured me that it would be fine... the books reassured me that it may seem like you don't have enough milk, but the body will make enough... and still she was frustrated feeding, punching me in the boob and complaining...
So I gave in and started giving her some formula... oh what a relief ! So much easier, so much less stress! So much happier baby! and I went to wiegh her and cure enough, she had not been putting on enough weight... she had not been getting enough milk...
SO - moral of the story - trust in your self...
and NOW sit back and watch those cheeks chub! yep... there they go! she is stacking it on!