surrendering, surrendering

So once again I learn to surrender... surrender the flimsy illusion of control over this process of becoming pregnant...
I was supposed to have a scan on Friday then, if my ovaries were in a happy mood, start the big squirt on Saturday.... But of course Friday is a public holiday and I am told my doctor is not working...so I book for Saturday... On Saturday I turn up and discover my doctor decided to work on Friday not Saturday... so no scan, just a blood test... and now instead of driving to the scene of the event and commencing this momentus life changing process... I sit on this Saturday afternoon and wait for my doctor to call me tonight sometime with my results... at which point I must either cast myself onto the long highway and speed to the most precious fountain of life... or life attempts to go on as normal for a day, a few days, a week... until my hormones decide to come out and party.... I can't plan... I can't control anything... not my doctor, not my working week, certainly not my body...

So I breath....

and I wait...

and then I breath some more...

That I can do....

..and I have needle in my ear for support if it all becomes too stressful... a wee micro tack is taped into my ear and I am to press on it to release relaxation and well-being into my chi...

Life feels somewhat surreal....