Living to prevent dying regrets....

I read this article today and it got me thinking... am I living the life I truly choose? What regrets will I have on my death bed? What would I do differently if I was going to find a way to reach the end of my life without regrets?   I've inserted my reflections into the article... Coz you know, it's my blog and I can do that...

 THE TOP FIVE REGRETS OF THE DYING:

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called "The Top Five Regrets of the Dying".

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
"This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it."

Am I living a life that is true to me, or am I living other people's expectations? 
I find it almost impossible to really know... I've spent a lot of time on this question in my life...but the expectations of others are so tightly woven into everything I have ever known about myself, and are so much a part of how I think about what is meaningful in life, that its impossible to tease out what is just me and what is internalised... Maybe this is because I actually agree with a lot of what I internalised from my parents and my buddhist upbringing. 
Do I feel that I am living authentically, in a way which is not in discord with my personal values? Yes... Do I easily get caught up in pleasing others and trying to meet their expectations of me? Yes, I do.  Do I actually think its a good personality trait to try and make others happiness a priority?  Yes I do... But where does the balance lie? That's the trick question... I think it comes back to listening to whether pleasing others requires compromising authenticity or not...if it doesn't, it's ok...if it does...negotiate, make conscious choices about when to give in and when not to...
That's the point I have reached on that journey...

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

I don't think this one applies to me... Sure I work hard, but I believe passionately in what I am doing and why I am doing it...and if anything, I'm a little lazy and could work harder if I really wanted to be proud of my achievements and have fewer regrets...

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

I'm getting much better at this... It's taken courage, but I'm getting there. No longer do I allow myself to feel silenced by the fear of others reactions to my true feelings. I've learned by doing that out is almost always better than those festering in feelings...

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

"Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

Now this one I do need to get better at... I used to be much better at this... Age has narrowed me...I've become much more introspective, introverted, less socially oriented and engaged with others. This is given, of course, that used to be Extreemly Very Social... So it is relative.  I have also, flip side, realised that I have friends who I trust I can pick up with at any point like no time has passed...true friends who I may not speak to for years but that I know are still in my life and will always be. I miss them in between though, and I'd like to connect more...

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

Now this one I give myself about 70% on... Nothing like a four year old to remind you about the silliness and joy of life... But could I do more of it? Yes ... Could I spend less time "parenting" and more time playing? Yes, I could... I think the thing I need to work on there is being more present in the moment... I spend too much time with my mind elsewhere...multi-tasking...distracted from the fun of the moment... This is the meditation I need to do more of. An when I have practiced staying present in the moment before... I really do have more fun!

What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?