for my mirror

So perhaps one day I can replace my inner critical manipulative voice with one that says this :

Nothing feels better than losing weight.

Nothing tastes better than losing weight.

Nothing rewards more than meeting this goal.

You can do it.

In the meantime I shall write it on my bathroom mirror and remind myself daily. 

I find it fascinating that I have so much self discipline when it comes to not eating foods which contain gluten.  I can sit at a table with people eating cake which is made on flour, and there is no hesitation, no inner debate, no temptation... no matter how good it looks.  I simply don't eat it.  Its not a question... I just don't.  Yet if the cake was gluten free I would find it almost impossible to resist. 
I don't die from eating gluten.  I would feel slightly unwell... but really, I would be ok.  Yet I have total self discipline in this goal -the goal of avoiding feeling unwell from eating gluten.  This is the will-power, the self discipline, the commitment that I need to harness towards avoiding feeling fat from eating unhealthily.   I could get away with little bits of cheating with gluten, but I don't try.  And so I need to simply flick another switch in my head - like the one that is set to "no gluten" - and set myself to "no fattening foods" and "no sugar".  I did it while I had gestational diabetes... I complained about it but I did it.  And I achieved my goal - I got my insulin levels under control and had a healthy baby.   It ties in with the people pleasing aspect of me I think... in that I will inconvenience others and I will stand up to not pleasing my desires if there is an external reason which is beyond my choice - like gluten intollerance or diabetes... but I won't do it just because its my own goal.  Sounds like a self respect issue, doesn't it?.... and so I plow on... searching through the mirky depths of my own mind to unravel the self limiting beliefs and self sabotaging patterns.