the real me?

Today I read my dear thoughtful wise friend's blog.... and in it she wrote this :

Sometimes, it feels like the most selfish act in the world to be true to myself – to that invisible magnetic force that pulls me inexorably to the future I am supposed to have. In fact it is the most selfless act I have in my arsenal. I can’t be true to anyone else if I can’t be true to me.

Reading this was like a hug for my heart.  The first line epitomises one of my deepest struggles in life.  It impacts in my relationships time and time again.  Over and over I am reminded by others, by myself, by books, by counsellors...that my first and only true responsibility is to being real and being authentic.  Why then to I continue to feel so guilty about it?  "Sometimes it feels like the most selfish act in the world to be true to myself".... and being selfish is not being true to myself... so what do I do when I am caught between two versions of "truth of self" - the one which says that being firmly true to oneself without seeking to accommodate the needs of others is selfish - and the other which agrees with my friend that "I cannot be true to anyone else if I can't be true to me". 
The unfortunate lesson I have learned is that by trying to follow the first I usually end up tying myself in knots and hurting the very people I have worked so hard to honour.  In trying to walk the tightrope of honouring others needs and wishes and holding on to my own - I so often fall into the precipice of pleasing no-one.  This confuses me greatly. 
I wonder now as I write if I can unpack a little further and find a deeply held belief that somehow my authentic self is unacceptable to others.  Perhaps what feels like fear of selfishness is actually fear of being rejected for being selfish/real.  Perhaps its all about fear of being real because others will not like the real me.  Perhaps this is what needs to change.... so that when I am real and authentic - I can also be confident that the real me is someone that others will respect, like, and want to know more about. 

So I realise my journey is not so much about the struggle between being "good" and being "real" but more about believing that the real me is good.
It would be such a relief to let go of the struggle...