So before I was pregnant I blustered to the world and myself that having a child would not really change me so much... I was naively and vocally confident that I could carry on my life as usual... just with the addition of a little person to love :-)And so in some ways this will be true ... but in many more fundamental ways I am shocked and surprised (this seems to be the theme of my pregnancy!) to discover that I am already changing...
This weekend it hit home more than ever... My dear friends suggested a trip to the pub for a chat, hang out, a drink or two...
Obviously I am not drinking at the moment, but still.... just the thought of going to a pub conjured up an immediate aversive instinct in me! I felt the need to clutch my belly protectively! The idea of being around alcohol and noise, and maybe even smoke made me want to run the other way...
Am I becoming a suburban mum?? Is it just a phase? Is it ok that I would much rather get up early and take a toddler to the park than go out boogying and letting loose? Will I rediscover my inner disco diva in time? Will I have a second or third youth some time in my future... or am I destined to be a soccer mum?? Will a cup of tea always look much more desirable than a
cocktail? Or will I rediscover the lost joys of a mohito or two post-gestation...Somehow my happiness seems much more inner, more peaceful, as I move through this incredible and fundamentally mind altering process....
And I surrender myself, as the only thing I can do, to the flow of change. It seems that despite my best intentions... my life is indeed utterly changing....
:-)
Its not so bad really :-)
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