So my daughter is now about the length of a ruler... she is 18cms from head to bottom, and when her long little legs are added... somehow the size of a ruler seems much bigger than just saying 30cms.... the numbers don't conjure up the same level of anxious excited awe as when I hold a ruler to my belly...
I love being pregnant... it is indeed the miraculous feeling I thought it would be... yet I still have many moments of abject terror as well... moments when it hits me - oh my heavens I AM GOING TO BE A MOTHER!! I am going to be one of THEM! I am going to have a little person who is dependant on me always and in every way.... My life will never be the same again!
I wonder how differently I would feel if I was doing this in a relationship - I guess that with a partner it might seem more like there would be someone else there to carry the slack if I was not up to it all the time... I think of my friends who are kind-of wanting children but not sure if they want to take it on... and I think of how sure I was, and am, that this is definitely what I want... and yet I am still have moments of such fear and doubt...
But then again - all great things come with fear and excitement as flip sides of the same coin... and I know that I am just one of the mothers of the world who have contemplated this miraculous journey with both joy and trepidation. And in the end I know firmly and deeply in my heart that it will all be ok...it will be hard and wonderful and lonely and thrilling and in the end... its life!