Will it won't it will it won't it will it won't it ...be THIS time....
Hmmm
I had an email from a friend. We haven't met but a mutual friend put us in contact because she too is in the process of trying to get pregnant. She's in NSW and has been on the waiting list for a sperm donor for a long time... waiting for her 3 allowed chances under NSW guidelines.... And finally recently she reached the top of the list... very exciting! I was excited for her, although also concerned about how long she had already waited and now how long it might take to actually get pregnant. At our ages getting it all connected in the first 3 tries is beating the odds significantly.
So yesterday I had an email from her... she is pregnant on her first try.
Such mixed emotions in my reaction... happy for her of course... but unable to resist a little selfish sadness for me... I wish her all the good vibes in the world for a healthy happy pregnancy... I just wish it was me too.
I wish I had a sense of my own embryonic destiny... I wish I had a sense of what is going on inside me right now. I wish I could see into the future and know it would all be ok. I wish I could plan, organise, control this damnably unpredictable predicament. I wish I had some crystal ball I could trust. Of course I only want to see good news in it!
But no... wait I must. "When its my time it will happen" says twinkle eyes. So I try to stay sane in the meantime. And I enjoy the little family that I have now.... vomit and all.
Little twinkle blue turned 3 this week... complete with Nemo cake... very exciting! :-)
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