Tick Tock Tick Tock

So the anxiety is building...
The BIG day fast approaches and I am noticing that I have a constant background white noise anxiety.... sort of excitement, nervousness, emotional volatility, nausea, numbness... and all that sort of fabulous fun stuff!
This week the idea is set to become real... the life long dream becomes tangible.... the biggest life changing thing I could possibly do - well - becomes something I am actually doing!

On Sunday I meet with my donor to review and sign the contracts.... and present him with the nobel prize for service to woman kind - well, this kind woman anyway...

On Monday I go and get my fallopian tubes flushed with dye to make sure they are clear... I have visions of blue liquid dripping onto pristine white nappies or panty liners... for once the advertising might align with reality...

On Thursday my doctor gets to take some MORE blood... and some happy snaps of my ovaries and their wee follicles as my precious eggs slip slide and POP out into the perhaps still a wee bit blue freeway to happyland...

And if my engines are firing on track - well... Sunday could be FUNDAY....
I keep telling myself that it is unlikely to work the first time....
I keep telling myself that this is really just a practice run to get over the nerves....
I keep thinking "wait - I'm not ready!" ...I mean, I am supposed to have been doing yoga daily, pilates 3 times a week, seeing a naturopath and taking yucky herbs, seeing a nutritionist and following a strict fertility enhancing diet, taking folate and fertility boosting vitamins daily, maintaining a totally stress free lifestyle, feeling fit and toned, being acupunctured, massaged and breathing my way to inner harmony and peace.... in other words...creating such a wonderfully welcoming space inside me that I am hot real estate for new little people to come into...
Hmmm of course that requires somewhat of a personality make-over....
People keep telling me that it will happen when its the right time...
I guess I can only shut my eyes, click my heels... and chant 3 times... "there is no time like now...there is no place like here... and there is no mum like me...."
Fingers crossed!