the end of trimester two

good heavens...its really happening... Here I am, entering the final trimester... Its all happened so fast! Suddenly the lovely idea of being a mother is becoming a reality.... and its pretty damn scary. Its huge. (I am too...but that's no breaking news!) For the rest of my life I am going to be a mother. For the rest of my life I am responsible for another person's well-being, for their happiness, for their health and for their very existence. I know that in oh, perhaps 25 years time that responsibility will decrease...but really - for the foreseeable future... its a whole new me.
I read an article today in Brisbane's Child magazine, which I was reading to try and get connected to this weird process that is happening in my body. The article was about the parenting happiness myth. It seems that research has shown that parenting does not really make people happier.
"and herein lies the great irony of parenthood. Parents often talk about the happiness they get from their kids, while kids complain about their parents. But in fact, there is strong evidence that parents make children much happier, while children make their parents a little less happy, at least in the short run. In parenting we invest some of our own happiness to create much greater happiness for the next generation"
It seems that if all circumstances are the same, people with children are significantly less likely to rate themselves as "very happy" than people in the same life situation without children. It seems that the benefit of having kids is not necessarily in being "happier"... but in having a greater overall sense of meaning or fulfillment in life in the big picture.
Certainly I think about many of the things that currently make me happy - a relaxed morning in a cafe with good coffee and a newspaper... a great dinner with friends.... a fabulous movie... the freedom to travel and explore the world... having time to be creative...
All of these things will be less enjoyable with a child. All of these things will be harder and rarer with a child.
What was I thinking?
Then again... I also know that I have been staggered by the sheer beauty of simple moments with K and M... moments of play, moments of making breakfast, moments of coming home from a grocery shopping trip with a child singing in the back of the car - and in these moments I feel more quiet contentment than I can ever remember feeling...
I guess the fear is natural
I guess the truth is that it will all be fine...