who comes first?

The title of this week's email for the 12 week body transformation program is "who comes first, you or them?" and this hits the nail on the head for me.
In the last two rounds of 12wbt the biggest challenge for me has been holding on to my commitment to the program in the face of "inconveniencing" others.  My family are here and cooking - so I tell myself I don't want to put them out by making them either eat my food or have a separate meal to me.  My friends are eating out and I tell myself its rude not to join in, to eat my own food before I go or not join them for the meal at all.  Someone comes to visit and brings or suggests food I shouldn't eat... well it would be rude to say no to a guest, wouldn't it.  I go to someone's house and they have deliberately prepared something gluten free for me... but its not something I should eat on my diet...you get the picture!  Ninety-nine percent of the time the perceived "inconvenience" is in my own mind - no one else has ever expressed annoyance... I do their thinking for them and acquiesce before they have a chance to object.
And I reflect on this theme in the bigger picture and I realise how often I am faced with the choice between going for my own goals or fitting in with something that suits someone else... And I realise how much of my life I have wasted fitting in with what suits others... driven by a deep need to be liked that is stronger then the wish to achieve my own goals in life.  And now I notice, as I turn 40, that I feel that I am finally moving away from this thinking.  I am disillusioned with working hard to be liked by others, sacrificing my own goals to meet what I think others expect of me.  And I am starting to resist... to try and stand up for myself and put myself first.
In making this decision I have to accept that I may end up spending more time alone.  And I have to be ok with this.  I need to let go of needing to fill my life with other people's approval to feel ok about myself.  I can instead find my sense of self worth from the goals that I achieve.  And in the end, I think that if I am feeling good about myself and the things I am achieving in my life I will paradoxically be more interesting and likeable to others anyway.
So last year I made a pact with myself that I would listen to my guts and if something didn't feel right then I wouldn't do it.  And I have been relatively true to that.
This year I make a pact with myself that I am going to put my own personal goals before pleasing others.  Not to the degree that means I neglect their real needs or am uncaring... but I am going to prioritise the things that I want and need in life... and take responsibility for that.   I will stop making my relationships with others the source of my happiness and self esteme, and start taking responsibility for my own happiness.
So this is how I use my life theme of "aloneness" to be build my strengths rather than undermine me! (see previous post)