Friendship

So some time ago I blogged about friendship...(here).... I wrote about the ever changing enigma that friendship is to me.  As an Aquarian it is typical that my friends are the centre of my world... and deeply important to me... and this is very much the case for me.  I struggle however... sometimes I feel overwhelmed with the joy of feeling surrounded by dear dear people that I cherish, flooded with the richness of friendship, feeling wrapped in its warm hug.  Other times I feel terribly alone.  I feel that for all the effort I make, the sense of connectedness that I so crave is elusive, transient, like sand - hard to keep a hold on.  I fear aloneness deeply... I fear the loss of friendship... I fear being abandoned, misunderstood, judged and cast aside by my friends.... So when people hurt me, put me out, demand of me in ways that I find difficult, I tend to push it aside, ignore it, move through it - the friendship is more important to me... However I find it so deeply distressing when others do not do the same.  When I find out that someone I consider a friend is upset, offended, put out by me...when they are closed to me, rejecting, push me away... this breaks my heart.  I will literally lie awake all night worrying... I feel like my guts are torn... I become deeply unsettled, confused, saddened... It seems that friendship is a double edged sword in my life - at once my life-blood, my breath, my joy de vivre...and at the same time the source of my darkest moments.  

Being friends means being there for each other at all times, whether it's good or bad. A friend needs to be very understanding and give each other the benefit of the doubt. Ideally the meaning of friendship is sharing unconditional love for each other. However this is not an ideal world; therefore some form of expectations are allowed, but that has a limit too. The purpose and meaning of friendship is to make life's burdens lighter for our friends and not make them heavier.