happiness

So I used to think that I could make anyone happy... I used to think that no matter how hard it was, I could be the one who would be able to make someone happy, no matter what kind of life they were living.  I worked so hard in my relationships, in my friendships, in my work...I bent myself in knots to be the thing, the very thing, that would make the other person happy.
And now I am all grown up I have learned that I cannot do this.  No matter how hard I have worked, I have not pleased everyone in my life... past lovers, past friends, past colleagues, past clients... I have not made them all happy.  And this has hurt me deeply at times, I have keenly felt the failure.
And recently I have found myself in a place in my life where there are too many people, with too many different wants, and it is impossible for me to make them all happy at the same time, because they all want something different from me at the same time... and no matter how many knots I bend myself into, it is impossible to please everyone.  And I have realised... that in tying those knots, I have damaged the ropes, damaged myself, by not stopping to consider what it is that I want and need - besides making others happy.
And I realise in reality the well known theory that there is a complicated balancing act required between self care and care for others.... If I am not caring for myself I cannot care for others, and in return, if I am not caring for others then I care less for myself because I like myself less...

So rather than learning new knots, I am changing my sport - I am taking up acrobatics in a new way - not flexibility but balance.  I seek balance.
This is what I want to teach my daughter - that there is a symbiosis between her own needs, her own self, and the needs and happiness of others...