on new beginnings

So there is a new flower blooming in the fertile grounds of my days... there is a new experience unfolding around me, within me, through me.  there are new feelings flowing through me, in me, around me.  At once it is new and it is comfortable... like the very rare pair of new shoes that, once found, slip onto your feet as though they are already well worn.   Its like coming home after many years away in foreign lands, when the familiar is made unfamiliar and yet comfortingly safe feeling.  Its newness brings hope, and its existence brings happiness.  It is a new flower, blooming with simple beauty.

on words again

So I have written before on words... words to which we give the power to turn our feelings, to turn our heads, to turn us into different aspects of ourselves.  What is in a word?  Some would say it is empty of any meaning but that which we project onto it.  A collection of letters, mere squiggles on a page, a formation of air vibration in an eardrum, it is in itself meaningless independent of the life experience it evokes.  So how do I feel when the life experience does not match the words?  How do I take back the meaning from the words, render them unimportant?  Can I focus on the life experience independent of the words?  Can I trust what I feel over the words that I hear?  These are the questions with which I amuse myself in my moments of quiet... in the calm of contemplation.  I know what I would like to answer.... but will I always hold firm to this?

accomplishment

so tonight marks a significant achievement in my life...
tonight I finished a huge consultancy project I have been working on for the last two years.
I say "working on" loosely - in reality I have worked on it in bursts over the last two years, bursts interspersed between periods of non-active work guilt.  Ever since I have been back in Australia there has been a little voice echoing at varying volumes in the back of my mind...and the voice said "you should be working on your policies project"... every evening that I spent socialising, watching telly, living life...the little voice echoed dismally in the back ground.  Every weekend that passed in a blur of activity that did not involve hours spent at a hot computer churning out pages of procedures had, as its underlying silently scolding theme...the voice of guilt.
And now... the guilt can retire.  I can be free of it.  I can choose how I spend my time with gay abandon.
OH JOY!

on love....

The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”

- Thomas Merton.

Seven types of ordinary happiness by Michael Leunig

Seven types of ordinary happiness by Michael Leunig

1. Secret happiness which is steady but beautifully delicate
2. Three minutes of happiness borrowed from a dog
3. Traditional lying down happiness
4. The happiness that comes from staring at a rock
5. Happiness blended with a mysterious sadness
6. The strange happiness associated with seeing a meteorite or shooting star
7. Diffuse, residual happiness resulting from rhythmic domestic tasks such as washing the dishes

Posted by What makes you happy? at 1:57 PM 

My Angel is BACK again...

So we have discovered the secret!
After a horror two weeks enduring the slow recovery from a hideous throat ulcer (how horrible!)...
We have found the answer... now my angel eats well, sleeps well,is back to laughing all day, is putting on weight and becoming round and jolly :-)
We have abandoned all cow products... yes now my baby has baa-baa milk (goat) not moooo milk... and its a little miracle :-)

being grown up

So there are times in life when there is the thing which is the "grown up" thing to do... and then there is the thing which I want to do...and many an hour have I spent torn between the two.  On the one hand is the sensible option... the mature option... the one which causes calmness inside, all-be-it a sad sorry resentful pouting kind of calmness.... it is the choice that makes sense. 
And then there is the path that tugs at the heart strings, the path which stimulates the buzz of nervous excitement, the way of the rebel, the teenager throwing caution to the winds, the choice of the tempestuous heart...
Most often in my life I have chosen the "want", the "desire", over the thoughtful... Most often up until now in my life I have enjoyed the thrill of casting aside the grown up.  Sometimes in my life I have found thrilling adventure and great joy from taking such risks.  Many times in my life I have deeply regretted my decisions and wished that I had listened to the reason that I knew inside. 

So here I sit again... on the fence between the land of reason and the playground of desire.  Its a spiky place to perch...but here I remain, indecisive... pulled by duality and ultimately fearful of falling.

absenteeism

My apologies blog readers... for my life has not been conducive to blogging recently...
My baby is sick... she has a huge ulcer in her throat which renders life painful and wakeful...possible baby foot n mouth...WTF??? 
Final Uni assignment is due the day after tomorrow and I am only just starting today...
Work is hugely busy and I am resenting the incursion on my life...
And well, I guess in other matters I am in a phase of living the few precious moments that I have rather than writing about them...
Stay tuned... I promise I will be back...
Smiles to all...