thinking big to be little

So I have joined a Gym. I debated with myself for at least a whole day about whether or not this was a good idea... $600 is a big hole in the single parent on unpaid maternity leave budget... I was torn between two views. On one hand I really should go to the gym to lose the 10kg I need to lose to get to my desired post pregnancy size and prevent myself from having to once again buy a whole new wardrobe. Oh and there are the health benefits of course, and if I am not going to develop Type 2 Diabetes for real I really need to keep my weight under control. So the $600 is an investment in my health, and the fact that I can barely afford it should be a good motivator to make the most of it.
On the other hand - its a huge waste of money if I don't get motivated to go regularly - and perhaps I should be realistic about how challenging it will be as a new mum, once my parents return to their home, to actually get to the gym on a regular basis (even though they have child care in the mornings)... This is the view that others impressed upon me - implying that I had wasted my money as I was most unlikely to actually get value from it.
In reflecting on this however... I realised that to not take out the membership was to accept in advance that I am most likely to be slack, so to not give myself the chance to be different. In the end I decided that it was worth it to me to invest $600 in my positive potential, rather than to save the money and allow myself to wallow in excuses of "realism".
And this brings to mind a recent discussion with a friend about the new female CEO of Westpac. This woman managed to work as a bank teller, have a toddler and triplets, and do an MBA... and to continue to rise through the ranks until she is now arguably one of Australia's most successful women. I wonder how many well meaning people said to her "hey - you have triplets and a toddler, give yourself a break...don't try and do an MBA... give up work... don't take that promotion...be realistic about what you can acheive...." And what would have happened if she had listened, had dropped her expectations, had opted for an easier life... would she be happier? she certainly wouldn't be the first female CEO of Westpac.
And I think of myself - how often I limit myself from "doing too much" - not because I want to but because of the well meaning advice of others ringing in my ears. I admit - I am fairly disorganised and can be unmotivated, vague and a time waster... but I also tend to work to the limits I set myself - if I think its too hard, unrealistic, then I don't manage it. If believe in myself and my ability to do more, achieve more, take on more - then I may get stressed at times but at the end of the week I feel proud of what I have acheived. Rather than feeling relaxed, I feel empowered.
So I am adjusting my focus again - towards assuming that I CAN do things until proven otherwise, rather than assuming it will be too hard and cutting myself off at the pass.
So I joined the gym. I am not going to listen to my well meaning friends who tell me to give myself a break, I have just had a baby blah blah... I am going to get there as often as I can.
I am also for uni again this semester, I have started a vegie garden as I had planned, and am considering going back to work one day a week before the end of the 6 months I had taken off. I may get stressed at times, I may get tired at times... but I will moving forward, achieving...