The missing

So my angel is learning about change and the bittersweet happy sadness it brings. I'm fascinated as I watch the development of her conceptual understanding... Watching her stumble, in her pure innocent  way, through ideas that many of us still struggle with as adults.
She's been naturally super excited about going back to Australia, to our old home, grandma and papa, the coast....but I've been reminding her that we won't be coming back to Fiji...so going home also means saying goodbye to the people and places we enjoy here.
She thought about this for a while, and then she said "but I will be sad about that mummy".  "Yes" I said... She thought a little longer and then announced "mummy, I wish things didn't have to change...when things change we feel happy about the going but we feel sad about the missing things". So we have a few conversations along these lines. It's obviously on her mind. This morning I woke up to the patter of her little feet and a sad face next to mine.... "Mummy I miss grandma, and I'm happy but I'm sad because I'm going to miss Fiji"
Yep... I'm with you sweetie.
As I count down the weeks and struggle to navigate through my burn out, it's easy to want to rush to the finish line. I'm trying to remember to stay in the moment and savour the things I will leave behind...the spectacular vivid sunsets over the ocean as I drive home under volcanic mountain ranges,  the sound of my little chickens chirping and rustling outside the window as they have their cage free time, the tumbling flowers I planted in my garden that are just coming into their fullness, the smiling faces, people who go out of their way to make our every day a little happier, the way indigo is known by, and safe with, all the people around our daily lives...and of course our lovely nanny and cleaner and the fact that I have not had to mop a floor or iron a shirt in a year and a half...
There are so many more things as well, of course, and each day I try to remember and cherish them while I can... Because any change, no matter how happy, also brings with it the missing.