So here I am… living in Fiji again. After well over a year of anxious
anticipation, I find myself thrust suddenly into living the life I tried so
hard to project into and imagine. I find
myself walking streets, driving roads, and hearing voices that are so familiar
that they feel safe and comfortable. And
at the same time, despite the familiarity, everything feels totally different
to the last time that I was here…I feel different.
The last time I moved here I was lost, clutching at straws,
hoping for an opportunity to find myself by taking radical action in the chaotic
disintegration of my life. This time I stood still, I thought, I weighed
the possibilities… I was happy where I was and yet… I chose to step forward
into a new endeavour. While there were
unknowns and fears of course, I stepped deliberately and thoughtfully forward
from a place of balance and self awareness.
I stepped forward with a deep sense that I was stepping onto my life
path.
Being here in Fiji this time feels, unexpectedly and yet
unsurprisingly like I am finally, after a long time of being slightly out of
kilter, at exactly the right place and right time in my life. I am doing exactly the right thing… I know it
in my bones.
So yes, the job is going to be hugely challenging. And yes, there will be times when I am
terribly lonely. And yes, there will be
times when I realise what it is to truly be alone as a parent, no family, no
supports, no networks, in a foreign country…
But at the same time as this, I know that this is what I need to be
doing. I want to face these challenges,
and I actually trust completely that although it will be hard, I will be up to it.
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