Kicking the bucket...

One of these is a cuddly bed comforter... The other is a bucket.
One, when taken into bed and held in the soft arms of a sweet slumbering child results in a sound night's sleep for mummy. The other, when insisted upon as a bed companion, on pain of screaming tantrum puke-fest, and held in an iron grip all night, results in a somewhat broken night of sleep for the consequently grumpy mummy.
Lesson learned = there is really not quite enough room in a standard cot for four soft toys, a two year old who likes to toss around a lot...and a standard household bucket.
I could happily kick that g@d-dmmmm bucket!

A new truck!

She does love her trucks! My little Tom-boy baby... Mummy was secretly pleased, in a slightly guilty sort of a way, to see her completely thrilled with her new dolly and pram though :-) today she headed up the road with grandma, pushing her baby in it's pram... Then quickly doubled back to let me know, as I lugged the weeks groceries in from the car, "mummy, I'm going to go to MY shops now... Bye!"

It's spotty wot!

My angel has a party

So we had the angel's 2nd birthday party and a merry time it was. Part way through the afternoon she came up to me and whispered "I have a fun party mummy"... And my heart was full of joy... And full it remains... I am brimming with the incredible, deep, all-encompassing, take-your-breath-away, proud-as-punch, can't-help-but-smile, gazing-goofily kind of mother love. She is my treasure... And she is a big 2!

My angel turns two!

It's my little angel's birthday and I am gripped by the certainty that she is growing up (despite still wearing 00 sized jeans!). Her pride and joy this year is a much desired scooter (after months of stealing them in the park). We have a few riding lessons to go though :-)

Last night I wore my jeans...

Last night I went out for a drink.
I wore my jeans - the tight ones, the ones I haven't been able to wear since I bought them two years ago... the ones that look hot.
I wore my black and red top, the one that I have had for years and love, the one that has hung in the wardrobe forlornly for years because I couldnt' fit into it but I didn't have the heart to part with it.
I walked into a bar, a trendy bar, and I realise now, this morning, that not once did I wonder whether people were looking with disdain at the short fat chick.  I realise not once did I feel apologetic towards my partner being seen out with me.  I realise that not once did I sit awkwardly, adjusting to cover up or minimise my tummy, boobs, flab.
It feels fantastic.
I feel proud.

Parts of shrinking me

So I vacillate between thrilled, scared and quietly determined.  I have now lost 6kg in 5.5 weeks.  I have never done anything like this before.  Previously I had set myself the goal of 1kg per month, and failed at that.  Now I am steadily cracking 1kg per week.
My shrinking self is subdivided into lots of paradoxically diverse parts.  Part of me doesn't believe its really true (I was starting to believe I would just be chubby forever).
Part of me is so f-ing loudly proud of myself.
Part of me is quietly self satisfied.
Part of me is utterly focused and determined to move mountains (literally).
Part of me is slightly terrified at the reality of actually achieving this previously unfathomable goal (12kg in 12 weeks).  What will it mean for me if I actually do this?  Will I mean I need to stop limiting myself?  That I need to start living up to the knowledge that I can actually do things when I set my mind to them?  (many of my dear friends would say that they had known this all along and point to my list of achievements, but I tend to focus more on the things I haven't done and form my self-image around them... then again, my to do list has well over 100 things on it so I accept that I may not have realism as one of my strengths... then again I do believe in setting the bar high and surprising yourself... I mean, look at me now... and thus ends a ridiculously long set of bracketed ramblings).
Part of me is tempted to self sabotage (to get back to what I was actually saying)
Part of me is confident that this time I am really changing, both mentally and physically, and I want to hold on to it so hard that my knuckles turn white.
Part of me is well, slightly numb.
Another part is kind of hungry, but it is lunchtime.

Poltergeist snapshots

I love this post from Suburban Snapshots... I couldn't have said it better myself!

 

Why Having a Toddler is Like Living in Poltergeist

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

If Poltergeist isn't one of your all-time family classics, well, your family is probably a little more balanced than mine. But really, who doesn't enjoy possessed trees, evil clowns, and angry, decomposing Native Americans? That's got quality time written all over it.

10. Items reappear out of place mere seconds after you've put them away.
9. In the dark, you sense an unwelcome presence in your room.
8. You frequently resist the urge to run screaming from your own home.
7. You're never really alone.
6. You can't escape the voices calling your name.
5. You could have sworn you just turned that light off.
4. The TV has more power over your child than you do.
3. You're often terrified by what you find under the bed.
2. A very small person keeps telling you what to do, and strangely, you keep listening.
1. You know that the only way you'll get any peace is a hotel room clear across town.

Posted by Brenna at 9:10 PM  

Where does she learn it??

Now I know that I cannot be with my child 24 hours a day... I cannot know everything she experiences... and I will never know or see every part of her rapidly expanding multifaceted personality.   I get that this is a huge growth stage, as she prepares to turn two in less than two weeks... (oh my heavens) but still, logic aside, I am constantly, pleasantly, amusingly surprised by her moments of spontaneous individuality!  Its quite an adjustment to get used to the idea that I am no longer the fountain of all her learning... the three days a week she spends in day care are obviously having quite an impact!

Tonight she was watching her evening wind down TV shows... ABC kids... and it was night-time in which ever saccharin sweet story was playing... she suddenly and very loudly announced "Its dark but I'm not scared!  I'm not scared! I'm not scared!..." (repeat). Where did that come from??

Powering along

So I am really pleased to announce that I am finally back in the sexy sixties... This is the first time since I had my angel that I have weighed in under 70kg... and I am really feeling the difference.  I also notice, oddly and strangely, that I actually feel much better after exercising!  Well there you go... I have known those words to be truth in an abstract sense - kind of like knowing that I have rhino-like creatures living in my eyelashes... but I have not really experienced it in a believable way.
The other thing that surprises me immensely is that this is the first diet that I have done during which I actually feel like I am changing my way of life, not just "doing time".  I have done lots of diets before, lots, and each time it has felt like I am just hanging in there for it to end so I can get back to "normal" eating.  And I have not seen results....
But this time I can't imagine going back to the way I was eating.  I feel so much better having had a salad for lunch rather than something oily, fatty or loaded with carbs.  I am really loving learning new ways of eating, and I think perhaps I am a convert!  I also think I will finish this with a healthy terror of going back where I was... and I plan to THROW OUT (yes, you heard me... overcome my hoarding instincts and consign to charity) my 70kg plus clothes.
5 kilos down and 7 to go.... I am almost half way to my 12 week goal.
Go me :-)

going strong....

So its now the start of week four of my 12 week body transformation challenge.  And I have lost 4kg!  If I do say so myself... I rock!   This is the first time that I have actually stuck to something, with consistency and without my usual oh-so-familiar voice of rebellion.  I am also seeing results!  this can be a double edged sword, in my past experiences, and that sword can slice one of two ways - I can either feel inspired to go on.... or I can decide I deserve a reward for good effort - and fall off the wagon completely.
This time I am pleased, again, to report that I have overcome these irrational urges and celebrated my progress... and gotten up and kept on going... go me!

Mmmm healthy!

So it's interesting how quickly habits can change... This morning was one of the rare mornings that the angel slept in... Tho before any mums get jealousy pangs let me clarify that the 7.30 'sleep in' was after a 4.30am enthusiastic (read 'loud') attempt to convince me that angels are supposed to get up when the birds do... My plan had been to rise at 6... Eat a nutritious low fat breakfast, make a nutritious low fat lunch, drop the angel to day care, hit the gym and then go to work. Buuut... This morning provided me with a perfect excuse to scrap the whole ambitious plan by presenting my bleary eyes with the brightness of 7.30 when my 'mummy mummy mummy' alarm went off.
Did I scrap it? Did I make the easier path more trodden? Nope... I got my shrinking butt in gear and ate my egg whites, prepared yummy healthy wrap fillings, did a hard hot workout at the gym and arrived at work puffed, flushed, but proud (if half an hour later than planned...).

cReflecting on capable... I realize that I spend a lot of energy trying to fit the standards and expectations of others... And not enough on being appreciative of myself the way I am.... I have a lot of great qualities... I'm generous, kind, creative, interesting, adventurous, warm, funny, patient, a great cook, a great friend and a wonderful mother... I have an open heart and mind, I am sincere, honest and courageous. I can laugh at myself and own my own stuff and take responsibility for myself. I'm smart and I learn new things fast. I have great ideas and communicate really well. I have a good sense of perspective on life, am non-judgmental and very likable. I can be wise and perceptive, and courageously honest with myself and others. These are just some of the great things about me.
Yes, my super is a mess, yes, my budgeting skills leave a bit to be desired, yes I have too much clutter in my house, and I'm a bit disorganized in some areas of life... Yes, my life goals are a bit unfocussed because I am still not really fixed on specific priorities and strategies to meet them... But I'm very capable of being a really lovely person... And that I appreciate.
Sent from my iPhone

Sick again... Booo

We've had a much better run for a while... But a cold has conquered the angel today... Boohoo baby...

Decisions

So I have two major decisions to make.
1. Will I try to have a second child?
2. Will I take the wonderful job I have been offered in Fiji... and go for 2.5 years.
I have been agonising over these decisions. They are interlinked because I would not consider moving to Fiji if I decided to try and have another child.  So I need to decide the first one before I can start to answer the second.

Capable

So I have realised that some of the people closest to me don't see me as very capable.  I understand... I don't always see myself as very capable.  I am going to change this.  I am sticking to my 12 week program... I am going to reach my goal of losing 10kg.  I am going to focus on being more capable, determined, successful in general.
I'll show them and show myself.

Day 3 of 84

So its day three of the 12 week body transformation program and I am going strong.   I have eaten 850 calories the first day, and 1050 calories the second day, and I am on track for another low day today... I know is lower than the recommended 1200 calories per day but decided that I wanted to launch an ambush on the blubber body and go in hard.  If I can adjust my appetite and energy levels to manage on this then sitting around and up to 1200 will be easier going forward.  I also wanted to have a sense of achievement and hit the scales hard in the first week...
So I am being disciplined with eating... but I knew that exercise would be the stickier issue... and on Day 1 I did not manage any exercise...the angel slept in, it rained, I was tired blah blah... excuses got in the way.  Day 2 however dawned differently and I made the effort to check the new improved local gym and see what deals the new owners were offering... and lo!  it was fabulous!  Suits me to a tee... no commitment, no contract, pay by the week and cancel any time..and only $10 a week. I love it!  Suits my commitment phobia to the ground...And they have set up 30 minute intensive workout programs around the gym...guided by firm voices and beeping machines the gym itself pushes you through a "go hard and fast" workout... for 30 minutes!  Awesome!  Just my style of working out... no time to get bored, and hey, I can do anything for 30 minutes....No classes and no childcare...but it is right near the child care centre and so I really don't have any excuses on Monday, Tuesdays and Wednesday...I just need to set my alarm, get up early and make sure I drop Indi off 45 minutes early, train hard and fast, change and head into work.... or alternatively leave work early and train before I pick her up... so now added to the assorted toys and kid snacks in the back of my car will be a bag of gym clothes ready to go...
So I am very pleased to report that I have trained both day 2 and day 3... good hard fast 30 minute workouts... and the scales are loving me.  2kg lost in two days... now they are my kind of numbers!  I am not expecting the scales to be so kind on a regular basis... we have a long love hate history to overcome... but I;m off to a running start.
So.... overcoming resistance, overcoming laziness, overcoming excuses.  I feel good, am already looking rosy cheeked and alive, and I am feeling positive and motivated.  Go me!

Occupation : baby

Every man, woman and child must complete an immigration declaration... They let me sign for her though...

Happiness is....

my brave little fish...

Its amazing to watch... not yet 2 years old and my brave little angel has merrily been teaching herself to swim.  There is a fine line between brave and over-confident, and I fear she has crossed it many times, but so far I have managed to pull her up for air each time before she passes out.  She just loves to dive head first into the water and swim!  Fortunately the little mermaid has learned to very effectively hold her breath under water.  Unfortunately she is only just starting to learn how to get her head up out of the water to take another breath.... Fortunately she has quickly gotten the idea of kicking and paddling her arms...Unfortunately she prefers to swim alone and deliberately and swiftly moves away from the helpful arms of adults to try her moves.    She's a handful, no doubt about it, but thankfully she is also smart, capable and confident.  I guess I can't ask for a lot more!