So I have 10 weeks left in my job.
10 weeks of being CEO. 10 weeks of being the boss. 10 weeks of "the buck stops with me".
10 weeks of stretching myself into new shapes. 10 weeks of being pushed and prodded and manipulated into new ways of being in the world. 10 weeks of winging it and working it out as I go along. 10 weeks of feeling like I have to know everything and 10 weeks of feeling like I never know enough.
10 weeks of feeling drained, empowered, cynical, hopeful, driven, burnt out, meaningful, pointless, motivated and utterly peeved...
10 weeks of feeling that my life has a purpose and a routine - all-be-it one I have frequently wanted to chuck in the nearest swamp.
10 weeks to find a way to walk away feeling like I did all I could.
10 weeks to find a way to walk away not feeling like I leave behind a house of cards, and 10 weeks to accept that I cannot control what happens after I walk away - in fact there is not all that much I can control between now and then either.
3 weeks of active management left, then 7 weeks to wrap up all the lose ends and produce a mountain of words on paper.
Words on paper will be my legacy.
Words on paper which, in my optimistic moments, I trust will translate into making the world a little easier for some people.
Words on paper which won't change a whole lot in an obvious way, but may just be foundation that makes the difference between dark and light for some people.
10 more weeks of putting words on paper... before my next adventure into arranging different words in different orders on different bits of paper.
I must hold up my hands and blindly hope it all matters somehow.
10 weeks until everything changes again.
