So my readers will know my struggle with my weight, and my ongoing search for some way of overcoming my resistence to commiting to a course of action that will make me feel good about myself. Recently an old friend recommended the 12wbt program - Michelle Bridges 12 week body transformation program. And I like the sound of it. Firstly it allows for adaption to a gluten free diet, which most of the popular diet programs neglect. Secondly it is a program that I would be doing together with an on-line community, starting together and ending together - so there can be no postponing, taking a week off or do-overs. Thirdly it is a completely prescribed program of diet and exercise, down to shopping lists.... so there is no thinking for me to do, only following instructions. Those who know me will be chuckling, since I am the one who never follows a recipe, and demonstrates a clearly discernible pattern of resistence to authority and doing what I am told. In this area however, I admit defeat. I need help and I need to hand over control to a higher power. I do know all about methods to lose weight, in theory, I just don't know how to lose weight. So I start this program with Michelle's pre-season tasks. I have identified my goals, monthly, 3 monthly, 6 monthly and 12 monthly. I have also acknowledged my habitual excuses, written them down, and thought up solutions or rational combatants for the excuses. I have paid my dollars for the program, and I have made a commitment - in front of a loved one - and on-line in the forum - to making this time different. This time I will start and finish this program. This time I will not allow myself to continue to feel like a failure. This makes me feel exceedingly anxious. I have tried and failed so many times in the past that it feels impossible to imagine being different, easy to want it, hard to see it in reality. But I think the only way I stand a chance is one day at a time. I think I need to avoid thinking about the end goal, or about the bigger commmitments involved. I need to think that one day at a time I will simply put one foot in front off the other and keep to the program for that day. And if I do slip up I need to get right back on the next day instead of slipping into failure. So today I make a commitment to today and tomorrow. Tomorrow I am going to work, and I will not eat any chocolate or lollies all day. Working in emergency services has been disasterous for my health. Well meaning types have filled our work space with chocolate and lollies. And I cannot stop at one. And like a drug addict I have to have more.... and now I am the heaviest I have every been. I need to learn to say no - no to others, and no to my own inner tempting voice... No. I will not eat any sugary treats tomorrow. None.
I will report back on how I go!
Turns out that being healthy actually makes me feel happy. For the last three days I have been eating clean and lean, I have started exercising, and I have lost 1 kg already. Today I did a big run at the gym to do my pre-diet fitness test (currently sitting on 9.35 mins to do 1km on the treadmill with a 5 incline). I also did a bunch of free weights while I was there (and the cute trainer doing weights in front of me didn't hurt). 
