Showing posts with label inner beauty. Show all posts
Showing posts with label inner beauty. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

21 Inner Beauty Inspirations #3

3. Ask for feedback from others and be humble and open to learning from it.

Today I invited all of my team of managers to give me feedback on my performance.  Usually performance appraisals are done by someone above you, but in my case... as the CEO there is only be Board of Trustees...and they would know almost nothing about my daily work.  So I have set  a time for all of my executive management team to get together and give me feedback.  And I am really looking forward to it!
At the same time we have been doing a staff engagement survey, and some are very positive, and some responses are honest and direct and critical.  And I really appreciate it.  I really do want to know what people are thinking and feeling and what they think should be done better.  Its so inspiring to have the opportunity to learn and grow in this way.
Some people shy away from criticism... they stand strong against it, holding tight to their positive self image in and avoiding any evidence that is contrary to that image.  And paradoxically they think that will help them to be happier - whereas I find that when I am open, undefensive, humble, and eager to learn - then receiving feedback is a wonderful gift.

And it helps others to feel valued and important as well.
So in today's journey of inner beauty inspiration I celebrate humbleness and willingness to take it on the chin and learn, grow and improve.

Monday, September 17, 2012

21 inner beauty inspirations #2

2. Making an effort to do the small things for others that sometimes turn out, unexpectedly, to be the moments that make the difference in a life.

Today I read a story on Facebook (posted below)...I was moved and inspired - it inspired me to remember to go out of my way to do little things for other.  When I am focussed on my inner beauty I think to do the little things that take but a moment and may only last a moment, but which sometimes, occasionally, mean the world.

Once a long time ago I knew a woman who was feeling down.  I didn't know her well, I had worked with her for a short time but wasn't anymore.  I heard from someone else that she was feeling down and, on a whim, I bought a book by HH The Dalai Lama and I wrapped it up and dropped it off at her house.  I didn't go in, just handed her the book and said that I was thinking of her and thought she might like it.  I actually don't know what effect the book had, if any, on her happiness but we did develop, over time and in random moment of connection, a long term friendship that I value highly.  We don't see each other very often, but when we do its wonderful.  Recently she has been in a position to help me with a work issue, and she has gone out of her way to do that.  Dropping that book off remains one of the things that I am proudest of in my life, because it shaped me - it helped me to become someone who does that stuff.  It pushed me out of my comfort zone in a way that became part of how I now define myself.  I am the person who does random acts of kindness and goes out of my way to help a friend or stranger.  I am someone who will turn up on your doorstep with soup.  I am someone who will give you a gift, for no reason, because its something you would like.  I am someone who will stop to compliment someone when they don't expect it.  Last week my nanny mentioned an old lady she knows who is living alone and although she can hardly walk, she is growing all her own food because she has little money and her adult kids are now far away.  So I bought the old lady a months worth of groceries.  Because I could.  Because I am someone who does stuff like that - and it makes me happy to know that - not out of pride or conceit, but because I am so happy and grateful that I learned to be this way.

Remembering this about me helps me feel connected with inner beauty.

I hope you enjoy today's inspiration...

A sweet lesson on patience.

A NYC Taxi driver wrote:

I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes I honked again. Since this was going to be my last ride of my shift I thought about just driving away, but instead I put the car in park and walked up to the door and knocked.. 'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across 
the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.

There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard
box filled with photos and glassware.

'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.

She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.

She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her.. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.'

'Oh, you're such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, 'Could you drive
through downtown?'

'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly..

'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice.

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued in a soft voice..'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

'What route would you like me to take?' I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.

We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired.Let's go now'.
We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move.
They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

'How much do I owe you?' She asked, reaching into her purse.

'Nothing,' I said

'You have to make a living,' she answered.

'There are other passengers,' I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug.She held onto me tightly.

'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said. 'Thank you.'

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light.. Behind me, a door shut.It was the sound of the closing of a life..

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day,I could hardly talk.What if that woman had gotten an angry driver,or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.

But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.



Sunday, September 16, 2012

21 inner beauty inspirations #1

1. Taking a genuine interest in others...
I notice how often conversations with others are exchanges of self focussed stories, rather than genuine conversations which unravel the superficial and get to the heart of a friend's state of being.  I notice how much having young children at the table influences the superficiality of friendships - its much harder to get into an in depth discussion about the more personal aspect of a friend's experiences of life when really, you can only listen with half a brain, and watch with one eye.  I notice how many of my friendships are now based on these half focussed interactions in which story telling is the default because you can do that while multi-tasking and it doesn't require eye contact.
So I ask myself - how can I return to a way of being in which I am able to take a genuine interest in others in the context of their lives?  I reflect on the people I love best, and they are all people who are able to do that - who make me feel like they are really truly interested in what I am thinking, feeling, doing, experiencing...and why that is.  These are the people I miss most, the people I most want to talk to after a hard day, and the people who I am most interested in learning more about.
I am genuinely interested and caring of other people in my life - how can I express and foster that more - to both enhance this inner beauty, and to connect better with the inner beauty of others.
I can :
1. take time to call instead of text.
2. text out of the blue because I am thinking of a friend - and ask them how they are
3. send emails instead of reading about people's lives on facebook and assuming I know whats going on for them
4. randomly contact people I haven't spoken to in years but still think fondly of
5. ask ask ask tell instead of tell ask tell...  a rich conversation has both parties present and included - not all focussed on the other - but I will try to make it less than 25% about me, and the rest about them...questions, reflections, actually asking about the things I am interested in.  Sometimes I hold back out of not wanting to be seen as prying...but its time to put that fear aside and ask.  After-all - I love it when people are interested enough to ask me, and I trust my friends to have boundaries around not feeling pressured to talk about things that they are not comfortable sharing.
6.  Listen, really listen.  The most important part - no point asking and not really paying attention to the answer... when the interest is genuine the listening is a given.
By maintaining focus on others I become the friend I want to be.
And true friends are beautiful.

my inner beauty project...

So... recently put it out to the world that I wanted to be struck speechless by beauty...
I meant that I wanted to fall in love, be blown away in awe and overcome with appreciation for another person.  I got four responses from friends.  One reminded me about the splendour of the world around me...which I had forgotten to appreciate this week.  One sought to give me faith that I would have that experience because I gave it to others - whether I knew it or not...  Which was both exceedingly surprising and reassuring.  One reminded me to look at my angel child... which reminded me that I am indeed deeply in love with her, and am indeed rendered speechless in appreciation on such a regular basis that I almost take it for granted now.  And the fourth urged me to look for it inside my own heart.  This one struck me most.
And I am reminded, once again, that I have indeed lost my perspective on what it is that I really need to do to find satisfaction.  I used to know these truths.  I used to know that if I am feeling unsatisfied in my life then it is inner development that is needed.  I used to be clear in the knowledge that my perception of the world is entirely the product of my own mind and its quality.  I used to be in the habit of knowing that my inner development is more important than any external achievement.  I used to commit time and energy to the quality of my mind rather than the trappings of my life.
And I am frustrated that I have forgotten these things.  I am sad that I am not living them.
So... At the same time as I am making a commitment to improving my outer self through healthy eating and exercise.... I am going to make a commitment to getting my insides back on track.
So... I make this commitment.  I am going to find one thing a day which inspires inner beauty to grow.  And I am going to blog about it.
I read once that it takes 21 days to change a habit - so this will be my challenge to myself.  21 days, 21 things to inspire inner beauty.  21 blog posts to record it.
How very exciting!