trust in truth

So recently I accused my friend of hurting me, when actually I had hurt myself, my friend was merely an unwilling participant in the process...In response to my hurt, my friend became hurt. And eggshells were broken in attempts to avoid more hurt. And it reminds me again that at the end of the day, it is honesty and trust that matters - even when it hurts. Through honesty comes growth. Surviving pain can bring depth and strength to individuals and to friendships.

So recently I wrote this to my friend. And I wrote it to myself...

"I have learned the hard way that when we act, in life, it is impossible to avoid hurting others, and ourselves, at times. Yet the alternative, paralysing non-action, is unthinkable and unworkable. No matter how hard we try not to hurt anyone, to avoid any pain, we crush ants under our feet with each step and when we are honest with the world there will be times when our words and actions poke others in their soft tender parts. This does not mean, as tracy said, that we should ever stop being honest (when it is not intentionally malicious of course).
Every action has a consequence, sometimes many, and what matters most is how we deal with those consequences - we cannot spend life avoiding risks, we can only strengthen our capacity to survive them, and to learn from them. Often it is through pain that the greatest learning and growth comes.

The fear of pain can be much more debilitating than pain itself. Pain passes eventually, fear lasts a lifetime.

So I say live in truth, trust others to be able to handle your truth, and know that you and others have the strength within to survive and even flourish."

ready for love

’never a lip is curved with pain
that can't be kissed into smile again.’
-brete harte







Thanks to le love





I am ready for love. Love has given me a bit of a rough ride for the last few years. I have loved but they have been loves that have been liberally mixed with pain. They have been relationships which have taught me much about myself, and been strong growth experiences...but as is so often the case with "growth experiences" they are not necessarily happy ones. It commonly seems that it is through pain that we learn the most. Buddhism teaches us that it is our enemies who are our best friends, as it is the people we find most difficult who have the best potential to teach us to be better people ourselves. In this way I think that over the last few years I must definitely have been on a steep self improvement curve! I have learned that the judgement or criticism of another does not define who I am, only I do that. I have learned that shaping myself to meet another person's needs does not secure their love and respect. I have learned that being endlessly forgiving does not lead to sustainable harmony. I have learned that it is impossible to fundamentally change another person's way of being and behaving, no matter how patiently I try to teach them different ways of relating. I have learned that it is only through respecting myself that I will gain the respect of another.
I promise this to myself : One day I will stand up in front of the person I love at the time and I will say "I'm sorry, but that is simply not good enough for me. I deserve better and I will not be with you under these circumstances" and if it doesn't change - I will honour myself enough to walk away.
I am ready for love, for a love which not only accepts me as I am - but which celebrates me as I am. I am ready for a love in which I feel wonderful, in which I feel that I am seen as wonderful. I am ready for a love which will fight for me, rather than just tolerate me. I am ready for a love which will highlight my strengths and compliment my weaknesses. I am ready for a love which strives to understand me fully. I am ready for a love that will accept my generosity and revel in it. I am ready for a love which finds me interesting, fun, and funny. I am ready for a lover who really enjoys my company, and who really wants to be with me, no matter what, no excuses, no "buts", no obstacles to overcome, no persuasiveness required.
I am ready to be loved.

Once upon a time, in the last few years, I wrote these words to a lover. They didn't come true then, but I am patient, and I am ready for them to come true in the future :

I know exactly what I want. I want to feel loved, unconditionally, unequivocally, from the tip of my nose to the tip of my toes... to the moon and back. And I want to love someone with all my heart, for all of their strengths and their vulnerabilities, without doubt, without fear, without complication and "what ifs" and "maybe". And I will happily compromise pretty much anything else to feel this way. So if you can love me - wholly and completely, irrationally, forsaking all else for love, for all my imperfections that make me perfect, with all that you have in your heart.... If you can find it in you to be that person who just loves me... well, then I can love you madly and totally, loyally and deeply, to joyfully stand by your side in life despite all and through all.
At the end of the day its really quite simple actually.