letting go, letting suffer

so yes, I am somewhat protective of my angel... I am a single parent, and I am her world.  Whilst she has a higher level of verbal ability than many teenagers, I keep reminding myself that she is only 2.  That she is three in a couple of weeks is something I am yet to come to terms with, but in the meantime, I keep telling myself that she is only little and this whole moving countries business is a lot for a little person to deal with.  I wrap my life around her and my perception of her needs in an effort to cushion her, to protect her from anything except joy... As a single parent now living in a foreign country with little support and a demanding full time job, that approach is proving tricky.  Plagued by guilt if she so much as whimpers, I have convinced myself that, having dragged her away from home and security, its my job now to make it as wonderful an experience as I can and ensure that she does not suffer at all for my decision.
This is not working so well for me.
At the same time as she is undoubtably my own personal world - outside our door there is a big world that also needs some attention.  Yesterday a good friend called and gave me a pep talk and I appreciate it.  She reminded me that my angel has a really good life over all... compared to the vast majority of children in the world she is truly blessed.   She can have no doubt that she is deeply loved, she is abundantly cared for, nurtured in all possible ways, and provided with an endless supply of stimulating entertainment.  She rarely has to complain because she almost always is provided with pleasurable experiences.
So in the context of that - its ok for me to disappoint her sometimes.  Sometimes she wants to stay home and play and I need to go to work.  Its ok for her to be upset and annoyed - thats life afterall.  I am often upset and annoyed that I have to go to work instead of relaxing at home - but I have learned that in life, we don't always get what we want, and rewards require sacrifice.  This is what I need to teach her also.  I don't need to feel guilty for letting her down and not meeting her immediate desires.   When I drop her at day care and walk away hearing her cry behind me  I am not being a cruel abandoning mum, I am giving her an opportunity to learn independence.  When I teach her that she is not my only priority I am helping her understand that the world does not revolve around her.  When I push her into new challenging situations I am building her resilience, her strength, and her courage.
Its ok for me to stop entirely protecting her from discomfort.  I need to refocus - moving away from keeping her "happy" all  the time... and towards keeping her healthy and safe, even if she disagrees with my decisions and voices her discontent at times.
In my job now I am doing really important meaningful work.  She does not understand this, but in time she will.  My work requires me to travel, to be available for longer hours than in past roles, to balance my home and work life with more care and less emotive prioritising.  Indi is going to have to cope with this or I may as well resign myself to a life of nurturing her at the cost of my own goals in life, and probably producing a fragile, inflexible, tyrannical child who expects to be at the center of the world around her.
So I convince myself to be brave, to face my guilt head on, to prioritise the big picture, and to deal with it - just as I want her to learn to do.