from my facebook friend...

You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there

– Bob Marley. (via quote-book) (via treehousestories)

Does everyone love beetroot?? Yummm edible body paint :-)

The most special gift ever

So last night I wrapped gifts for my little girl... I am filled with bubbles of happiness.  Year upon year I have dreamed of the day that I would share my first Christmas with my own child.  And now the time is here.  My little family of three has become a whole different world.  I can scarcely believe it is really going to be happening - that this Christmas is the start of a whole new life of Christmases shared with my little angel.  No matter what is under the tree with my name on it, nothing will ever compare to the gift of this... joy of joys... the imagining of each year getting more and more exciting as she grows and understands and participates makes my heart sing.

Where oh where have you gone...my little baby child

So recently my little munchkin stood up unsupported... she was holding onto a coffee table, playing with a toy, lifted up the toy to her mouth and let go of the table... and stood.  How did this happen?  How did that wee helpless little bundle with the floppy head and fingers smaller than should be humanly possible morph into this little creature.  She is a joy and a delight... delicate and small I know, but to me she looks so big!  Her little personality is bursting forth, and boy oh boy its a strong one.  Determined.  Willfull.  Headstrong.  Holy Crap.

My little ram is running at the world full tilt and letting nothing come in her way... she literally head-butts any foolish piece of furniture which tries to intervene in her journey.  Oh my little one... life moves so fast, the world is rushing towards you... pause a while if you please - mummy needs time to adjust!

on new beginnings

So there is a new flower blooming in the fertile grounds of my days... there is a new experience unfolding around me, within me, through me.  there are new feelings flowing through me, in me, around me.  At once it is new and it is comfortable... like the very rare pair of new shoes that, once found, slip onto your feet as though they are already well worn.   Its like coming home after many years away in foreign lands, when the familiar is made unfamiliar and yet comfortingly safe feeling.  Its newness brings hope, and its existence brings happiness.  It is a new flower, blooming with simple beauty.

on words again

So I have written before on words... words to which we give the power to turn our feelings, to turn our heads, to turn us into different aspects of ourselves.  What is in a word?  Some would say it is empty of any meaning but that which we project onto it.  A collection of letters, mere squiggles on a page, a formation of air vibration in an eardrum, it is in itself meaningless independent of the life experience it evokes.  So how do I feel when the life experience does not match the words?  How do I take back the meaning from the words, render them unimportant?  Can I focus on the life experience independent of the words?  Can I trust what I feel over the words that I hear?  These are the questions with which I amuse myself in my moments of quiet... in the calm of contemplation.  I know what I would like to answer.... but will I always hold firm to this?

accomplishment

so tonight marks a significant achievement in my life...
tonight I finished a huge consultancy project I have been working on for the last two years.
I say "working on" loosely - in reality I have worked on it in bursts over the last two years, bursts interspersed between periods of non-active work guilt.  Ever since I have been back in Australia there has been a little voice echoing at varying volumes in the back of my mind...and the voice said "you should be working on your policies project"... every evening that I spent socialising, watching telly, living life...the little voice echoed dismally in the back ground.  Every weekend that passed in a blur of activity that did not involve hours spent at a hot computer churning out pages of procedures had, as its underlying silently scolding theme...the voice of guilt.
And now... the guilt can retire.  I can be free of it.  I can choose how I spend my time with gay abandon.
OH JOY!

on love....

The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”

- Thomas Merton.

Seven types of ordinary happiness by Michael Leunig

Seven types of ordinary happiness by Michael Leunig

1. Secret happiness which is steady but beautifully delicate
2. Three minutes of happiness borrowed from a dog
3. Traditional lying down happiness
4. The happiness that comes from staring at a rock
5. Happiness blended with a mysterious sadness
6. The strange happiness associated with seeing a meteorite or shooting star
7. Diffuse, residual happiness resulting from rhythmic domestic tasks such as washing the dishes

Posted by What makes you happy? at 1:57 PM 

My Angel is BACK again...

So we have discovered the secret!
After a horror two weeks enduring the slow recovery from a hideous throat ulcer (how horrible!)...
We have found the answer... now my angel eats well, sleeps well,is back to laughing all day, is putting on weight and becoming round and jolly :-)
We have abandoned all cow products... yes now my baby has baa-baa milk (goat) not moooo milk... and its a little miracle :-)

being grown up

So there are times in life when there is the thing which is the "grown up" thing to do... and then there is the thing which I want to do...and many an hour have I spent torn between the two.  On the one hand is the sensible option... the mature option... the one which causes calmness inside, all-be-it a sad sorry resentful pouting kind of calmness.... it is the choice that makes sense. 
And then there is the path that tugs at the heart strings, the path which stimulates the buzz of nervous excitement, the way of the rebel, the teenager throwing caution to the winds, the choice of the tempestuous heart...
Most often in my life I have chosen the "want", the "desire", over the thoughtful... Most often up until now in my life I have enjoyed the thrill of casting aside the grown up.  Sometimes in my life I have found thrilling adventure and great joy from taking such risks.  Many times in my life I have deeply regretted my decisions and wished that I had listened to the reason that I knew inside. 

So here I sit again... on the fence between the land of reason and the playground of desire.  Its a spiky place to perch...but here I remain, indecisive... pulled by duality and ultimately fearful of falling.

absenteeism

My apologies blog readers... for my life has not been conducive to blogging recently...
My baby is sick... she has a huge ulcer in her throat which renders life painful and wakeful...possible baby foot n mouth...WTF??? 
Final Uni assignment is due the day after tomorrow and I am only just starting today...
Work is hugely busy and I am resenting the incursion on my life...
And well, I guess in other matters I am in a phase of living the few precious moments that I have rather than writing about them...
Stay tuned... I promise I will be back...
Smiles to all...

first beachin babe

So our first trip to the beach was a little overwhelming for my angel... I guess as big people its easy to forget that as a little person the world as we know it is a very big place... and then the beach, the ocean, well its enough to make one feel a little serious and contemplative of one's place in life.  I am sure my angel will come to love it in time...

Munch on...

So my little angel is not eating enough... and she is still not putting on enough weight...(a problem she clearly did not get from her mummy!).  So at the moment we eat every chance we get...as much as we can... thus sometimes the only remedy for my independent little angel's attempts to feed herself is a strip down and bath!

Distinction

So I recently submitted an assignment... I was busy and distracted by life... I struggled to consider study a priority compared to spending time with my gorgeous child, keeping on top of the daily chores, catching up with lovely friends, enjoying the bursting of spring in the garden, and generally sucking the juices of life.  To sit down at a computer and write about first world political manipulation of the third world through aid just seemed, well, a bit removed from the delicious realities of my daily world... so I moaned and I pouted and I finally slapped something together that I knew was a huge compromise on what I was capable of doing.  I winced as I read over it at 4:50pm on the day it was due.  I crossed my fingers that it would pass, and hit send.  Friends tried to reassure me that it was probably better than I thought it was...but I insisted that "no"...this time I really had done a bodgy job.  I consoled myself with the rationale that really, at the moment, a pass was all I really wanted.
Today I got my result. 
A Distinction.
Sure - its broken my straight High Distinction record... but seriously... a distinction?  what is the standard of university study coming to???
Not that I am not pleased... but I would be prouder if I thought that I had earned it!

Happy Half Birthday!!

So my gorgeous wonderful special little angel girl is 

6 months old today.  

For 6 months she has charmed, smiled, giggled, puked, danced, pooed, wriggled, yelled, raspberried, coo'ed, played and delighted.  For 6 months my angel has filled my heart and my days with love.  For 6 months my angel has lived.  For 6 months I have woken each morning filled with gratitude and wonder.  For 6 months I have known new parts of myself, parts that can love endlessly, work tirelessly, sleep little but smile much.  For 6 months I have enjoyed the love and support of my wonderful family and fantastic friends as they have shared my angel's journey.  For 6 months we have had the pleasure, the honour, the joy of knowing my little angel girl.

Everyday in every way everything is different to anything I have ever known before, and yet I know without a doubt that I am exactly where I should be, doing exactly what I want most to do, and loving it.

Happy Half Birthday my angel.

Thank you for choosing to come to me, thank you for trusting me, thank you for sharing your life with me.

Live your life so that your children can tell their children that you not only stood for something wonderful - you acted on it.
Dan Zadra

forest flower

A girl went strolling down her path, through the trees and dappled sunshine... 
Singing songs as she strolled, she smiled happily as the friends in her forest sang harmony.  
Hand in hand with her little angel child, the girl admired the path travelled and the way ahead... smooth pebbles, soft rich fertile soils... 
Singing songs as she strolled, the girl smiled happily as she carried in her heart her loved ones, feeling at them close and feeling held.  
Singing songs as she strolled the girl noticed a tiny flash of colour by the path-side and, interested, she paused to behold... 
Curiously she peaked, softly she brushed the brambles aside, gently she touched the colours... a rare and beautiful flower.  
Beneath the brambles a flower bloomed softly, sweetly, scenting the air, nodding to the girl.  
And the girl smiled, gathered the flower to her... and together they started to sing.

One person can make a difference, 

and every person must try.

John F Kennedy

Do not wish to be anything but what you are, and to be that perfectly...
St Francis de Sales

What a beautiful quote for today.  And this I strive to live by.  Often I, like most people, get nervous, self conscious, unsure of myself... but in my head I play a loop - well worn and familiar by now - of reassuring words , telling myself that really, people must like me for just who I am if they are to like me at all - and since I like who I am, it stands to reason that any person of value to me will like me too :-)