Monday, April 29, 2013

I am you, I am not you...

Ive been watching the final series of Being Erica.  Tonight i watched the second last show of the last series made....I will miss it when it is over...every episode delivers a life message...a new perspective, a reminder of known but buried truths, a confirmation of lived truths...
Tonight's Being Erica life lesson...
I am you, and I am not you...
It is a double edged coin of awareness that allows us to both find ourselves in another person in order to have compassion for their experiences, their common struggles, their similar vulnerabilities...and yet to also be mindful that they are fundamentally different people.
Too often we fall into the trap of expecting others to be like us. We expect others to make similar choices, value similar things, treat us they way that we would treat them...and when they don't we are offended, hurt, angry, disappointed, judgemental....and whether we shout in fury or smoulder in silent resentment ...they know... They feel it... They "get" that we wanted them to be more like us.  And no-one reponds well to being asked to be less themselves...and nor should they.
So the key? Get rid of the expectation. Live the truth of acceptance of difference, and pardoxically it will be even easier to find the common ground.
I am guilty of this, like most...
I will take this lesson on board in my continual process of being the best me I can be...

Saturday, April 27, 2013

The help

Just watched the movie "the help"...  I would imagine you have seen it.. I know I am behind the times after four years of little people and foreign lands... I expected a gentle little story...  And maybe I'm just in a sensitive mood today but i found it profoundly sad.  It was gentle in that it didnt hit you in the face with brutality, but it was, i thought, all the more powerful for it. The quiet domesticity of hatred and disempowerment was nauseating. Oh why is it so easy for people to hate so irrationally?  Sometimes I can block out the world and feel relaxed and happy inside... As long as I stay blind and numb. But then something breaks through and reminds me that while people are indeed capable of love and kindness and infinitely inspirational levels of selflessness...too often they squander their lives and miraculous opportunities on hatred and nastiness... 
At least it makes those who don't seem like shining lights in the storm. 
Oh for a world where people were fundamentally good and evil was the aberration... 

Friday, April 19, 2013

On equanimity...

Equanimity....
Just thinking the word gives me a warm gentle softening feeling in my heart.
Equanimity.... More than simply viewing things as equal, it is, to me, the profound sensation of letting go of my grasping on to my preferences and judgements about something, about everything. In the moments when I feel myself caught, bound by my own emotional reactions to people and situations, if can think clearly enough to remember, I simply close my eyes and say "equanimity"... And in that moment I breath out - physically and mentally - and I let go.  I let go of thinking things should be a certain way because its better then the alternatives. I let go of thinking that people should behave in a certain way because I think it's better. I let go of being annoyed that things don't always, in the sort term, turn out the way I want them to.
In equanimity I let go of should and just let be.
In Buddhism it is upekkha, the foundation of wisdom and compassion...the heart that views all beings as interconnected and valuable and does not preference the happiness of one over the other.
In Judaism it is menuhat ha-nefesh, the foundation of spiritual morality.
Christian philosophy referred to the evenness of mind of equanimity as essential for the virtues of gentleness, temperance and charity.
In Hinduism it is the nature of Brahman, of absolute reality.
Across faiths, culture, beliefs - at the heart lies equanimity.
I find it joyful. When I let go, suddenly I am free.
Free to just love, cherish, appreciate...without judgement, preference, rigidity.
Free to let be, and thus, free to be.




Wednesday, April 10, 2013

On Finishing...

So I have written before about finishing... I am not a finisher.
I am a starter certainly...
I am an ideas person...
I love new adventures, opportunities, options...
I love to plan and imagine the wide open space of tomorrow land.
And I am ok with starting, head down, nose to grindstone, getting my teeth into it...
But I am not a finisher.
I hate endings... I hate the limp to the finish line.
I struggle to stay focussed, to bring home the race.  When I can see what the outcomes is going to be I lose interest.  I want to side track, point out that really - we all know that eventually we are going to cross that line so lets just all it now...
What I don't understand is why...
Why do I not crave the thrill of the perfect ending?
Why do I not seek to sink the final ball, sound the final horn
Why do I not desire the handshake and back pat of a job well finished?

Sometimes I think its because that is the point where I have to say "ok this is as good as it gets"
Sometimes I think its because I get bored and want new stimulation (bet thats a bit too simplistic)
Sometimes I think its a hidden mystery in me that I just don't understand...

But its annoying.
And its happening now.
I am in the final 4 months of this huge life changing job - and all I want is for it to be over... done.... I don't relish the run to the end, I don't feel the desire to bust a gut to leave it in tip top shape for the next person... I just want it to be over now.
But then, stupidly, I also know that I will have a huge come down when it is.  I will miss the challenge, the sense of purpose, the all consuming nature of it.  I will miss the sense of accomplishment against the odds... and mostly... I will be in a world of pain trying to work out what I want to do next.  Sure - I have some plans - I wouldn't be me if I didn't. But its going to take a huge amount of adjustment to let go of this and move on.
So I desperately want it to be over, but I fear it at the same time.
No wonder I don't like finishing.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Love that kid...

An angel turns 4...

A week early (shhhhhh) it may have been (so that grandma could be part of the big day) but it was emphatically declared by the little one to be "the best birthday party ever"!!!