Thursday, January 21, 2010
what a journey...
simple pleasures...
My angel has lots of toys, toys that dance, toys that sing, toys that rattle and toys that ring... And she loves them.
She does her rounds each day, tasting and poking each one - remembering old friends, rediscovering neglected friends, touching and listening and exploring... and there is one that is guaranteed to bring peals of laughter floating across the room. Its a beautiful sound that makes my heart sing...
And the special loved toy? Does it have fancy bells and whistles? Does it flash lights and ring bells? No... it is, of course, a simple cardboard box. It has a door the opens and closes (the lid flap) and I have cut a window in the side... And my angel loves it... she crawls into the box peers out of the window and is greatly amused to find the world (and sometimes mummy) outside!
Monday, January 11, 2010
forgotten grace...
Yo... wazzup?
uhoh... did I do something wrong??
I was supposed to say Grace before I started eating??
Ooops.... :-(
Can I say my thanks now?? Pretty please?
I will be really really good!
a belated christmas story
Twas the morning of Christmas... and from beneath the tree came the sounds of babble..... which mummy of course understood to be.... "What a jolly lot of presents!!!"
"Are they all for me?"
Now how does this work - I rip the paper off?? what fun!!
Ooh...whats that inside??
Hey check this out! How cool is this???
"Are they all for me?"
Now how does this work - I rip the paper off?? what fun!!
Hey check this out! How cool is this???
Sunday, January 10, 2010
the 5 million dollar question
Recently my friend answered the question "how would your life change if you had 5 million dollars?". She answered that it would not. I envy this. I envy the sense that your life is just as you intentionally made it. I envy the sense that you have deliberately created your life to be just so... and you would not want to change it. I know that there are things that she would change about her life - but they are not things that money can buy. But still - I aspire to the sense of rightness of life that is implied by the answer "I would not significantly change my life if I had access to enough money to have free choice". I, on the other hand, would have to think deeply about the answer. I feel quite sure that my life would change significantly - that I would choose to change my life in many ways. What would financial security mean to me? It would give me the lee-way to indulge my humanitarian utopian vision... so many things I tell myself that I would do if I had the money.... I would give more to charity, I would start my own charity, I would start a benevolent trust, I would learn more about financial management and make the money keep growing so that I could live off the income it generates, I would travel more, I would be generous with others and change their lives too etc etc... and then I pause in my fantasising... and I ask myself - how much would it take to do these things? And more importantly - how much do I have now...and what stops me from doing these things now? Sure enough there are some things that do take hard cold cash, but there are many others that cost little, but give much. Compared to many people I am currently exceedingly wealthy....why am I not now living the life I imagine I might live if I won $5 million? And so after I am more organised in my home... my next task focus will be exploring the question "How can I live now AS THOUGH I have won a huge financial prize?" What can I do today?
Saturday, January 9, 2010
just do it
So I have noticed that the difference between a productive day and an unproductive day lies not in the amount of time available, but in the attitude with which the day is navigated. Surprise!! I know, I know.... its not a revelation, not rocket science, not even novel.... but its been an important revelation for me. I complain constantly of not having enough time to do the things I want to do...and so I took a moment to investigate the people I know who do achieve great amounts in their days... and what I notice is a "just do it" attitude. In my less productive days I have a process in my mind which says "there isn't enough time to do that - leave it for later"... or "no that's not the most important thing today".... or even "that's not what I am in the mood for today"...and so things sit undone.... The alternative is a mind-set which doesn't discriminate, ponder, decide - it just does... the mind notices something that needs doing, and the body responds by doing it. And lo and behold - often there IS enough time to do it! and it does fit around the important things...and it doesn't adversely affect my mood...For example, on a day when I am home alone with Indigo, I know that the most important thing is spending time with her...so on an unproductive mind-set day that is all I do - play with her, sit with her, feed her etc. But on a productive day, like today, I keep doing things at the same time as talking with her, showing her new toys, singing to her etc.... and lo.... I get 14 things crossed off my list AND Indi still has a lovely day with her mum.... today I sorted out and cleaned the shelves in Indi's room, cleaned and re-organised her change table area, packed away all her too small stuff, packed away some of the toys she is growing out of, set up some new pink drawers for her and started putting things in them, did a load of her washing and my washing, sorted the shelves in my lounge room, tidied away all the lounge/dining room clutter, did some on-line banking and updated my budget spreadsheets, updated my exersize spreadsheets, made several different kinds of food for indi for today and tomorrow, cleaned out and reorganised my pantry cupboard, enrolled in uni, read some inspirational blogs, kept up to date with facebook, watered the gardens front and back, stored my suitcases away.... and had time to relax with some TV time, and did lots of playing and feeding and bathing with my angel baby....Oh and wrote in my blog. This is the difference attitude makes...
Thursday, January 7, 2010
knowing what I want...
“Courage does not always roar — sometimes it is a quiet voice that says I’ll try again tomorrow.”
So today I read the The Thin Pink Line blog (listed on the right) and the entry was about knowing what you want. I vaguely expected pop-psychology about "going out there and grabbing your potential" but actually a lot of it range distinctly true, like a nudge from a good friend... in particular this paragraph struck a cord for me :
You may have clarity about what you want in one aspect of your life, but not another. Or, like many women, you may not know at all. Instead, you go along with the program to keep the peace and not make any waves. The causes of not knowing are varied, but almost always relate to being for others and not oneself.
I have been accused of not knowing what I want in life. I fought the accusation - claiming that it was not that I didn't know, but that I wanted to remain flexible and open to lots of different options. Hmmm. I do believe in flexibility and being able to roll with inevitable change...but at the same time I realise that there is more to it than that. I have spent much of my life torn between two conflicting messages... the buddhist message to care more for others than for myself, and the contemporary societal message to ensure that I look after my own needs and don't allow them to be subjugated to the needs of others. I waver between obedience to each at different times, and usually err on the side of the former. The result of this is that I am a consummate peace-keeper and yet am constantly frustrated by the lack of sense of achievement in my life, by the lack of goals and sense of direction, and the consequential lack of commitment to any particular path. I read back over an old journal tonight, and found that I repeatedly have described myself as having a sense of lack of ownership of my life, a sense that my life was something that happened to me, rather than something I authored. I constantly feel surprised by where I end up, and unclear about how I got there - let alone where I am going to from there.
I am striving to change this. I am seeking a way to bring together the two messages such that I can separate from others long enough to develop a clear vision of who I want to be and what I want in life, and then can return to caring for others along the path to that vision. Its a lonely job, the job of a road builder... but I have a vision of myself in 5 years time having a strong sense of achievement and clarity - and I want to make that vision a reality. And if I have foggy times I will have the courage to try again tomorrow.
So today I read the The Thin Pink Line blog (listed on the right) and the entry was about knowing what you want. I vaguely expected pop-psychology about "going out there and grabbing your potential" but actually a lot of it range distinctly true, like a nudge from a good friend... in particular this paragraph struck a cord for me :
You may have clarity about what you want in one aspect of your life, but not another. Or, like many women, you may not know at all. Instead, you go along with the program to keep the peace and not make any waves. The causes of not knowing are varied, but almost always relate to being for others and not oneself.
I have been accused of not knowing what I want in life. I fought the accusation - claiming that it was not that I didn't know, but that I wanted to remain flexible and open to lots of different options. Hmmm. I do believe in flexibility and being able to roll with inevitable change...but at the same time I realise that there is more to it than that. I have spent much of my life torn between two conflicting messages... the buddhist message to care more for others than for myself, and the contemporary societal message to ensure that I look after my own needs and don't allow them to be subjugated to the needs of others. I waver between obedience to each at different times, and usually err on the side of the former. The result of this is that I am a consummate peace-keeper and yet am constantly frustrated by the lack of sense of achievement in my life, by the lack of goals and sense of direction, and the consequential lack of commitment to any particular path. I read back over an old journal tonight, and found that I repeatedly have described myself as having a sense of lack of ownership of my life, a sense that my life was something that happened to me, rather than something I authored. I constantly feel surprised by where I end up, and unclear about how I got there - let alone where I am going to from there.
I am striving to change this. I am seeking a way to bring together the two messages such that I can separate from others long enough to develop a clear vision of who I want to be and what I want in life, and then can return to caring for others along the path to that vision. Its a lonely job, the job of a road builder... but I have a vision of myself in 5 years time having a strong sense of achievement and clarity - and I want to make that vision a reality. And if I have foggy times I will have the courage to try again tomorrow.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
progress
so its not showing on the scales yet - but I am feeling a little proud of myself. This week so far I have been to the gym twice and gone for two walk/runs....have also been eating much better than usually and have only had three little treats this week. Its disappointing that its not showing on the scales... but I trust that things will start to move soon!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
sleeping angel
So waddya know... the books were right! Teach a baby to get themselves to sleep when you put them to bed, and they will learn to sleep through the night!
It has begun, the change, the new phase of working towards full nights of sleep :-)
Last night the angel slept from 7pm to 4.45am. Oh joy of joys!
:-)
What will life be like if I am not tired all of the time?? Wow....
It has begun, the change, the new phase of working towards full nights of sleep :-)
Last night the angel slept from 7pm to 4.45am. Oh joy of joys!
:-)
What will life be like if I am not tired all of the time?? Wow....
specificity
So I am working on specificity in goals...
It seems I am required to remove the unspoken contents of my head and place them in a suitable order on a page in order to commit myself. Humph. Commitment... precisely the reason I leave my goal specificity in my head!
But... as I said - this is serious folks on the weight loss front...so here I go.
Specific Diet and Lifestyle Changes - January
Week 1 - Starting Jan 1
Gym 3 times. At the gym at least 2 workouts must include a minimum of 20 mins cardio.
Eat healthily but with a small indulgence once per day if desired (more than achievable)
Healthy eating entails half to two thirds of my usual serving size; low fat choices; choosing salad over carbs when possible; ensuring protein intake at each meal. Drinking at least 1 litre of water per day. 2 x Metobolift per day (breakfast and lunch).
Week 2
Gym 3 times. At least 30 mins cardio 2 x a week. Should have lost one kg by the end of this week. Regular smaller portion sizes, protein and low fat choices. One indulgence every couple of days. 1 litre of water per day
Week 3
Gym 3 times plus 1 x walk or other extra cardio for 30 mins. Otherwise maintain similar. Suppliment with one protein/fibre shake per day to reduce midmorning hunger. Snacks between meals limited to carrots or other vegetables only. 1-2 indulgences per week.
Week 4
Gym 3 times plus 2 x other cardio for 30 mins. Maintain diet as above. Target is to have lost a further kg by the end of this week.
Reward : Indulgent birthday 28 Jan if I have clear loss of at least 2kg over the 4 weeks plus the satisfaction of starting well!
Other support goals for the month of January :
1. Consistently getting to sleep before 11pm to maintain energy levels.
2. Develop and use a spreadsheet to record exercise.
3. Enlist the help of others to reduce temptation of "people pleasing" by not making a fuss and eating whatever is on offer.
4. Refer to "Zen Habits" 29 ways to change a habit and develop a structured plan for the next 12 months.
5. Take lunch to work everyday - exceptions allowed once per fortnight for a planned lunch out.
6. Stop having sugar in coffee.
That should do for a start!
Wish me "determination" (instead of luck).
It seems I am required to remove the unspoken contents of my head and place them in a suitable order on a page in order to commit myself. Humph. Commitment... precisely the reason I leave my goal specificity in my head!
But... as I said - this is serious folks on the weight loss front...so here I go.
Specific Diet and Lifestyle Changes - January
Week 1 - Starting Jan 1
Gym 3 times. At the gym at least 2 workouts must include a minimum of 20 mins cardio.
Eat healthily but with a small indulgence once per day if desired (more than achievable)
Healthy eating entails half to two thirds of my usual serving size; low fat choices; choosing salad over carbs when possible; ensuring protein intake at each meal. Drinking at least 1 litre of water per day. 2 x Metobolift per day (breakfast and lunch).
Week 2
Gym 3 times. At least 30 mins cardio 2 x a week. Should have lost one kg by the end of this week. Regular smaller portion sizes, protein and low fat choices. One indulgence every couple of days. 1 litre of water per day
Week 3
Gym 3 times plus 1 x walk or other extra cardio for 30 mins. Otherwise maintain similar. Suppliment with one protein/fibre shake per day to reduce midmorning hunger. Snacks between meals limited to carrots or other vegetables only. 1-2 indulgences per week.
Week 4
Gym 3 times plus 2 x other cardio for 30 mins. Maintain diet as above. Target is to have lost a further kg by the end of this week.
Reward : Indulgent birthday 28 Jan if I have clear loss of at least 2kg over the 4 weeks plus the satisfaction of starting well!
Other support goals for the month of January :
1. Consistently getting to sleep before 11pm to maintain energy levels.
2. Develop and use a spreadsheet to record exercise.
3. Enlist the help of others to reduce temptation of "people pleasing" by not making a fuss and eating whatever is on offer.
4. Refer to "Zen Habits" 29 ways to change a habit and develop a structured plan for the next 12 months.
5. Take lunch to work everyday - exceptions allowed once per fortnight for a planned lunch out.
6. Stop having sugar in coffee.
That should do for a start!
Wish me "determination" (instead of luck).
its complicated
People meet, people connect, people touch and smile and laugh and share... People smile. People share of themselves. People see each other through the lenses of newness... People see themselves through the lenses of sharing. People see each other through the lenses of hope. People connect. People open their minds and hearts, people dare to dream. People learn to trust... People see each other through the lenses of starting to trust... people feel. People feel happy, people feel nervous, people feel untrusting, people hold on to dreaming. People see each other through the lenses of nervousness, people see themselves through the lenses of doubt. People hide. People hold on to the dream tighter... people feel afraid. People talk and share and cry and hope. People trust. People try to laugh, laugh in the face of fear. People see themselves through the fog of feelings, people see each other through the fog of feelings. People listen to each other, people listen to the roar in their own ears. People talk and share and cry and hope. People try to see themselves differently. People try to see each other. People remember the dream. People see their own fog... People see the fog of the other... People see fog. People see through the fog. People talk and share and cry and hope. People take a deep breath....
What do people see?
What do people see?
four chickens...
Friday, January 1, 2010
am I winning??
So tonight is the end of Day 4 of the process of training my angel to go to sleep on her own. In other words - this is the fourth day of the hell of distraught screaming at every nap time. The screaming time has been decreasing...from 45 mins to 8-10mins... and then it happened... tonight - she looked around, moaned quietly, stood up at the cot bars for a while....then lay down and went to sleep.
Yippee!
Perhaps, maybe, just possibly.... don't want to count my chickens but it might be that MUMMY HAS WON! :-)
Yippee!
Perhaps, maybe, just possibly.... don't want to count my chickens but it might be that MUMMY HAS WON! :-)
Letting go and Inviting...
Letting go of fear, letting go of defensiveness, letting go of pleasing
Inviting unapologetic authenticity, inviting freedom, inviting clarity
Happy 2010.
Inviting unapologetic authenticity, inviting freedom, inviting clarity
friendship
So on this new year turn of the decade, I stood under a full moon, and the soft sand by the ocean's edge. I laughed and shared a glass of champagne with a few of my dearest friends. Luxuriating in the natural peace and beauty I wrote with my toes in the sand. I wrote the things I wanted to let go of at this turn of the year, knowing that the gentle waves would wash them away. I wrote some of the things I want for my future, knowing that being able to visualise these things is a big step towards bringing them into being.
And on this new year, as I sit now at home, reflecting on the evening and on the year.... one thought shines through it all...
My Friends Rock....
:-)
I feel so wonderfully surrounded by loving friends. I feel so incredibly lucky and incredibly honoured to have each of these wonderful women in my life.
Thank You My Dear Friends... YOU ARE WONDERFUL!
And on this new year, as I sit now at home, reflecting on the evening and on the year.... one thought shines through it all...
My Friends Rock....
:-)
I feel so wonderfully surrounded by loving friends. I feel so incredibly lucky and incredibly honoured to have each of these wonderful women in my life.
Thank You My Dear Friends... YOU ARE WONDERFUL!
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