Tuesday, February 17, 2009

new bassinet


So I just bought this dreamy bassinet on ebay for $40... is it not too cute for words?? Oh how real it all feels when I imagine a wee little one looking up at me from in there! Or better yet, sleeping peacefully in there!
:-)

Makes all the needles and back pain and today's unmedicatable sore throat seem all worth it in the end...

sticking it to myself...

So its not so bad after all...
I have starting injecting myself with insulin... and for once the doctors told the truth...the idea is much worse than the reality. It hurts a lot less than the finger prick glucose testing.... and its another fabulous opportunity to practice that "overcoming your own fears and mental resistance" stuff - like the time I jumped off the top of the telegraph pole (see one of the first blogs I wrote)...
And the diet is proving good for me in lots of ways of course...have never felt so unhealthily healthy! My body is loving the good nutritious low fat, no sugar, low GI diet... and after a couple of months of this I am hoping that my patterns will be reset for a really healthy future! If, of course, I don't binge too much in the excitement of ending my journey with diabetes after the birth :-) Of course by then I hope to be so slim and trim and terrific that pure vanity should keep me on track!
Och... its distracting trying to write while the child inside you has hiccups :-)

Thursday, February 12, 2009

9.8

So 9.8 was tonight's glucose reading....
After a day of gorgeously normal readings - all under my prescribed upper limit of 6.5... tonight my glucose level jumped to 9.8.
If I get readings over 6.5 more than 5 times a week then I double the medication I am on.
If I still get readings of over 6.5 more than 5 times a week then I start injecting myself with insulin before every meal.
Its an incredible sense of lack of control over my own body. I am doing my utmost to manage my diet... I am eating the best possible foods I can think of.... no sugar, no fats, low GI....
And still I tested 9.8 tonight.
Today I saw a specialist who broke the cheerful news that no matter what I do my hormones will continue to rise, and thus my diabetes will continue to get worse.... I can try to slow the process with diet and exercise, but sooner or later I will have to start insulin injections.
So today I stuck a needle in my belly and injected myself with 1mg as a test run. Its not an easy thing to do... the specialist told me I was very strong and did a great job. In reality, I just left my body for a moment and went into shut down autopilot mode.
I know its not that uncommon. I know there are lots of people who live with it everyday. I know there are lots of people who have it a lot worse than I do...
I am thankful for my blessings - but it also sucks.
Wadda ya do though....
You keep on keeping on...

Friday, February 6, 2009

and the universe provides just what we need...

So since I have been pregnant I have had the novel experience of being able to eat what ever I want and not put on weight - well, I have put on weight of course... only in the belly and boobs, and I am still at the bottom end of the expected weight gain range... so really, Indi/Aliya/Sara (whatever her name is) seems to be sucking it all up... so as one might expect - the temptation to pig out has been great... and largely given in to :-) I have been enjoying the delights of chocolate milkshakes, cakes, chocolate, what ever takes my fancy really! What fun!
BUT... over the last couple of months I have started to feel a wee but under the weather with it all, and somewhat nervous that if I didn't smarten up my diet soon I would keep eating like that after the birth... and stay looking like a beach ball! I kept telling myself that "soon" I would tighten up and get super healthy again... and I did start having lots of nutritious juices and eating a bit better... some of the time...
And then... as the universe in its wisdom saw me struggling to be self disciplined... it provided me with some super motivation - gestational diabetes ....
SO... its sugar free, low fat, low GI small regular meals for me! I was somewhat distressed and overwhelmed at first - but now I am really seeing the upside. Besides the less than joyful experience of having to stick a needle in my finger two hours after every meal, I am enjoying getting a sense of control and awareness of listening to my body and what it needs...and seeing the immediate results in my glucose levels. I am enjoying the sense of well being that is coming from knowing that I am doing good things for myself, my body and my baby... and that now I have no excuse not to prioritise my health in the general chaos of my busy life. And if I am going to prevent myself from getting Type 2 diabetes later in life...(up to 50% chance) this will need to be a pretty perminent lifestyle change. I have always eaten pretty healthily - but now I am armed with extra knowledge and incentive.
Thanks Universe - I didn't appreciate the gift at first - but now I get it!